INDIEchouette


I’M GOING TO PRETEND I WAS NEVER ON TEMPORARY HIATUS

Here is a story for you.  I thought I had four As and one B this semester at college.  When I checked my grades online, I found that I had four As and one C.  The C was in my one-credit Intro to University class, where we did jack shit and my teacher was a certified phony.  I’d nabbed As in Psyc, English, Math, and Gov.  This was not an easy feat.  And that one-credit piece of shit class dragged down my GPA.  Needless to say, I was at least a little frustrated, and supposing my cousin, Liz, chances upon this entry, she will probably correct me and tell me that I cried and she wanted to punch me in the face.  College is something you have to pay for, so my mentality was to achieve all As (unlike my high school mentality, which was “Fuck It”).

However, I still made Dean’s List.  This is extremely satisfying.

My message to you is:  If you go to VCU, do not take Univ 101 no matter how your advisor urges that you do so.  It’s just not worth the time.

I will give you two more things today.

The first is a book recommendation.  If you’re like me, then you have multitudes of books lying around your room and your suitcase that you cannot wait to read, yet there are still so many more that you have not yet acquired of which you yearn to get ahold.  And you’re ever so open to recommendations, as you love to read and you love books, but at the same time, you barely have room for another book in your life right now.  I am like this now, and I was also like this when I purchased the book that I am currently reading, but I urge you to do whatever you can to make room for this book.  And I’ll tell you what this book is.

But first, I have to admit that I can’t believe I haven’t read it yet.  I feel so overwhelmed now because I must have about a million undiscovered gems to read, especially considering the grandeur that is this novel.

everything-is-illuminated

The book is called Everything Is Illuminated and it was written by Jonathan Safran Foer.  And I’ll have to leave it at that, because it’s impossible to describe in all its intricacies.  I can tell you that if you doubt me at all, then just read the first “chapter” piece, narrated by Alex in hilariously fucked-up English.  If you’re a language person like I am, then you’ll appreciate these segments.  And if you still doubt me, then turn to the next “chapter” piece, narrated by Jonathan.  If you’re a detail-oriented person like I am, then you’ll appreciate these segments.  And if you still doubt me, well, you might as well read the entire novel.  It’s thick but the pages fly by.  And it’s probably worth it.

I might as well add that yes, a movie version does exist, and it may or may not be loyal to the book and it may or may not be fulfilling, but I only recommend the book.  It is worthwhile to read the book.  Elijah Wood is in the movie, but I don’t know whether or not it is worthwhile to watch.  Just read the book already.

Also, okay, since I had to find a photo of the book cover, I also ran into shots from the movie and it is tempting to watch it now.  But please, be a good person and read the book.

The last well…maybe the last thing I wanted to tell you is that of course I enjoy Melpo Mene, and that I have another Melpo Mene track to share with you.  Not unlike the band’s other tracks, this one is a sweet, soft lullaby-like crooner tune but it strikes me probably because it is both incredibly joyous and terribly melancholy at the same time.  It is not unlike a sunny afternoon on a day where you’ve slept too much, because while it’s dandy that everything is gorgeous and that you are well-rested, the sunlight will go away soon and the day will end and then you’ll have nothing to do.

I should get away | Melpo Mene
[zshare] [mediafire]
[website] [myspace]

And I was just thinking that maybe this should be the end of my post, but I have decided to take it upon myself to introduce to you a phenomenon.  If you have already seen this phenomenon, then I am proud of you.  But I can only go a few days or weeks without seeing this video before having to refresh my memory.

It’s not that I think this girl is stupid or that I want to hate on her.  I just find her videos humorous in content.  This is probably the most popular one, but her others are gems as well.  She can be good-natured and excited, which in turn brings a smile to my face maybe because her good moods are fairly contagious, or maybe because she’s just so unbearably silly.  It kind of reminds me of an exaggerated version of me reacting to anything to do with Rilo Kiley.  I’m not praising her views on Twilight, though.  I find it fairly silly to defend something like a popular (and allegedly poorly-written) piece of literature so relentlessly and without restraint.  This sort of video by a self-proclaimed “twituber” makes me want to test Twilight for myself so I can be a better judge, since my taste in literature is relatively acute.  Then again, most girls who read Twilight, their taste is acute too.  They mostly refuse to branch out from the Young Adult section, which means they’ll just imbibe novels like A-List, The Clique, and other such teen romance/girl-fiction shit.



HERE’S WHERE I HAD AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN
3 September, 2008, 344 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

At the bus stop when I heard this girl speaking fluent French on her cell phone to another apparently fluent person.  Here’s how many other people I know who would be willing to have a French conversation with me on the phone because they speak some French:  Two (yes you, Divya, plus Erika).  Here’s the percentage regarding how many of us are fluent:  Zero.  I am so damn hungry for fluency.  I’m ravenous.  I’m a savage cannibal.  rrrrrrrrrrr.  That’s why I’m at college!  I need to take classes and become immersed in the language.  And I’m not doing what I need to because of scheduling conflicts.  How fucked up is that?

I just thought that there was a way for me to inch closer to fluency over the summer, and I’m not nearly there now.  And additionally, I feel that there are a lot of people who are more qualified than I am to become French majors.  I’m only going to be in 201 next semester (because, of course, they were all taken this semester and I am forced to wait)!  I’ve only taken three years of French and I feel like I should have taken seven.  Yeah, I skipped one year.  Big deal.  There are people who catch on after one year of basic high school French effortlessly, and I worked my ass off all three years.  I have no accent–first-years can have accents.  And I’m embarrassed to spout off French when people ask me to.  I had the opportunity to call someone a bastard the other day, but I didn’t because I was on the bus and I was afraid that other people would critique my shitty American accent.  I have zero confidence regarding my French speaking skills, but I am a strong writer in French, as well as a strong reader.  So this girl, yeah, I love French and I am jealous of her.  I’m fucking jealous of someone for being able to speak a language.

Oh, yeah.  And if you think knowing French gets you laid, it totally doesn’t.

I feel as though I should be an instant success story.  I’ve fallen in love with some French music, and I feel that if I listen to it frequently, I should be able to pick up the whole language.  Well, I know that’s not how it works.  I know that I’d have to listen to RFI too.  And do you know how hard it is to find French indie pop/rock?  Fucking impossible!  So I have to rely on Yelle, Serge Gainsbourg, Carla Bruni, Jane Birkin, France Gall, Françoise Hardy, Brigitte Bardot, The Arcade Fire, and Charlotte Gainsbourg.  Not complaining about them, but I want like…I don’t know.  The Arcade Fire in complete French instead of partial French.

I guess I’ve been questioning my worthiness, not my ability or motivation or anything like that.  I know that I want to be a French major, and that I am in love with the language and the culture of France and French-speaking regions.  I just feel so distant from it, and it feels unrealistic.  I’m afraid I’m declining and deteriorating as a French wannabe.  And I’m not authentic.  I think that’s what bugs me the most.  I wish I could just be French and leave it at that.



BIRTHDAY EVE

It doesn’t feel like tomorrow (Thursday) is my birthday.  I’m really reluctant to let go of being seventeen.  I feel like I’ve built up so much to be this age, kind of like when I was twelve and fourteen.  Those were ages which, for one reason or another, I aspired to be.  I figured I would savour them and in truth, I did.  I went through a lot of major changes at those ages.  Now, though, I don’t know what age I aspire to be.  Seventeen was kind of it for me.  I love being a teenager, save for all the misconceptions.  Fortunately, I still have two years left, even if I’ll legally be an adult.

I guess part of this whole it-doesn’t-feel-like-tomorrow-is-my-birthday business is that I’m away from most of my family, so it’s not like we can really celebrate.  And I need to make my own cake if I want one.  I’ll probably forego that because…

Okay, first, my sleeping habits are all fucked up.  I’m always tired on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and I take long naps in the afternoon.  Naps are very French, so I’m okay with that.

My eating habits are pretty fucked, too.  I don’t really want to go into that because it will scare those of you considering veganism or even vegetarianism.  NO, it is not hard to be vegan or vegetarian.  YES, VCU does offer a plethora of vegetarian options, as well as a few for vegans (which is really nice, considering that some restaurants aren’t even that considerate).  The problem with my eating habits has more to do with time management and being busy and slightly lazy.  If I have lost weight over the past two weeks, it is only because I do not feel like boarding the bus to go over to Shafer Dining Court or walking there.  I do eat in my room, though.  I’ve had fruits and nachos and occasional granola bars and cereal.  Also, I guess I do get a lot of exercise, especially on days when I am motivated enough to make the 1.5-mile “trek” between the MCV campus (where I live) and the Monroe Park campus (where all of my classes are and everything happens).  Okay, so in just two weeks, I have gone from being a health-conscious “leafy green” vegetarian to being a lazy-ass junkfood transitioning vegan.  That definitely needs to change as soon as I’m more settled.  Fortunately, I’ve been researching good grocery stores in the area.

Muzak, though!  I haven’t written about music in so long.

Okay, the first tune, I have been spinning (lolzers, more like “telling my iPod to repeat”) constantly for the past few days.  It’s not only the catchiness and the depth of the lyrics, but it’s that little background noise.  Some MGMT, I didn’t like at first because it’s pretentious and it sometimes reminds me of of Montreal (nothing wrong with a little of Montreal, but I can only handle so much), but you have to love “Kids.”  It just feels right.

Kids | MGMT
[zshare] [mediafire]
[buy] [direct link]
MGMT’s Site
MGMT’s MySpace

So now I’m giving MGMT a second chance, because I always used to get pissed reading that people thought Animal Collective was “artsy for art’s sake.”  Come on, now!  What’s wrong with being artsy for art’s sake?!

The next track I must present to you is one of the most desperately catchy songs I’ve ever heard, again.  Except I’d venture to say that Van She is far more pop-friendly than MGMT is, and I predict that you’ll hear more from them in the mainstream soon.

Virgin Suicide | Van She
[zshare] [mediafire]
[buy] [direct link]
Van She’s Site
Van She’s MySpace

In the meantime between now and when I’m legal/now and my next post probably, I’ve got to write an Argumentative Diagnostic Essay.  Fun stuff.  Um, Explosions in the Sky soon, as well as maybe some French sheittt for all those fellow francophiles (I know, there are so many…).



COLLEGE AND STUFF
17 August, 2008, 246 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

I’ve been testing out my computer.

See, I got this HP Pavilion Entertainment PC and it’s sweet.  So smooth.  I like HPs because they look smooth and they run smoothly.  They have the aesthetic value and the performance value.  And this one is fast.  I like that.

I think my dad is talking to himself.

Okay, so move-in.  I moved into VCU yesterday.  I’m so glad I have a nice room-mate.  I guess for both of us, it was just get-in, get-all-your-crap-in, and get-out, so we didn’t really get to talk, but I did get to meet her family, which was cool.  That took a bunch of stress away.  However, she left immediately to go home until Tuesday, so this would have left me all alone.  I considered manning it up and spending the night alone in the dorm last night, but I wanted to spend as much time as possible with my mom and little sister before they left Richmond, so I decided to stay in the hotel with them last night.  Today, I’m spending time at my dad’s house, and then tonight, I’ll spend the night in my room and stuff because my dad’s leaving for California tomorrow for the week.  And then this week, I suppose I’ll spend a lot of time on my computer getting to know where to go, as well as a lot of time on foot just exploring the campus.  I’m at a bit of a disadvantage with my room-mate not being here, because I would have probably wanted to explore the city with her and get to know her and such, but that’s where my good old high school senior buddies come in.

The only thing I really feel uncomfortable with right now is all this free time I’ve got.  Classes start on Thursday, but until then, we really get to roam around and do basically whatever we want.  There are no instructions or real orientation plans, and it’s unnerving.  Right now, my major concerns are:

1.  What’s up with the bus systems?  Where are the bus stops?  What times do the buses come?  Is it free?  How do I pay for it?  Can I start using it all today?  How far apart are the MCV and Monroe Park campuses (because I reside on the MCV campus, but my classes will all be on the Monroe Park one) and could I realistically walk to my classes, because I think that would be great?

2.  If I want to bike around, where do I park it?  Is my bike cool enough?

3.  Are there any rooms I can’t go into on my floor (besides, you know, other people’s)?

4.  HOW do you act around upperclassmen?  How much do upperclassmen hate freshmen?  How much do I look like a n00b?

I’m not even that worried about meeting people at this point.  I’m just worried about getting to where I need to be.  I mean, when I get up tomorrow morning, someone else on my floor will have to be in the bathroom, too.  And I can say hi and introduce myself then.  Forced situations are great.

Anyway, I haven’t posted any music for you at all lately.  That will start again soon.



NIGHT TERRORS
4 August, 2008, 1234 pm
Filed under: My Experience with Existence, School | Tags:

I had a nightmare about college last night.  It was all about being unprepared.  Up until this point, I’ve felt okay about going to college.  Most other kids don’t really know anyone else, and my roommate is in the same boat as I am, not knowing me at all.

In my nightmare, I was basically at Welcome Week, but I had classes on move-in day and I didn’t even have a laptop yet.  So I remember being bogged down with work because certain five-page research papers and other summer assignments were due on the second day of school.  I was wiggin’ out.  I also didn’t really know my way around campus at all, which was extremely unnerving.  I had to guess about everything and nobody was helpful.

Today, I’m going to make a list of things I want to accomplish here in Lewisburg before I go off to college.  And then I will accomplish them.  Yesterday, I already accomplished one of the things on my list.  Later today, I might post a mix.  Depends.



L’ETE EST ICI (ALMOST)
1 June, 2008, 1000 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , ,

I’m a bit of a bitch as far as romance goes.  I’m so reluctant.  Maybe it’s just in the rare event that it’s so easy to lure someone in.  I mean, if I was a guy, I probably wouldn’t fuck me.  I get insecure at that thought, and I think that people flirt with me just because they can, because I am secretly in love.  But I need someone who will just stealthily come up behind me and hug me without warning.  That’s my idea of romance, I think.  Meaningless hugs and picnics and kisses on the neck.  And spontaneity.

I’m graduating on Friday, but I’m not ready for college.  I’m just worried that my music won’t be enough to help me survive.  And I know that’s silly, and of course it will be.

But also, despite the fact that I’m moving back to the Triad and Divya and everyone, I’m actually intensely sad that I’ll be so far from my new friends.  I mean, we’re just kicking things off and we have all summer, but…ah, how to sound unlame?  They’ve helped me get rid of a good deal of my anxiety.  And I feel good about myself the way I am.  And I can sing around other people and not care.  They seem to understand the awkwardness, and instead of thinking it’s silly behind my back, they understand, and we can all laugh about it together.

On the other hand, I feel that my friends are helping me prepare for college.  I am like a baby bird, and they are feeding me and giving me confidence and teaching me right now so that by the end of the summer, I will be my own person, and I’ll be able to fend for myself.

Speaking of baby animals, a lot has happened over the past two weeks.  One of the things that happened is that Charles found a baby rabbit by the road and brought him to me.  He was very hot and very little–eyes still closed–but I was determined to nurse him back to health.  He was so helpless, and it was so urgent.

Things went fine for the first two days, and Alexa named him Leverett.  But on the third day, Leverett apparently aspirated, so he began choking.  Despite the fact that I gave him the heimlich maneuver several times, he only got worse.  His organs gradually shut down until he couldn’t breathe, and then Ali arrived at my house, and I was a mess, and she sensed the urgency, and then he died.  I bawled.  We mourned and went to Rita’s, and then the next day, we had a funeral for him and buried him on my side yard with the help of Paige and Carol.  Although I was hurting, the funeral was a strangely happy one.  Sometimes, I can’t find the right emotion, or I try to make things seem lighter than they are.

Leverett didn’t deserve to die.  I held him in my hand for his last hour, and it was just the most frightening experience of my life.  Louie all over again.  He would sleep and wake up and hyperventilate, and then it seemed that he had seizures, which led to paralysis, which required rapid chest-rubbing.  And then the cycle would return.  It happened for hours on end, apparently.  It was just the most dreadful thing–indescribable–to know that he would die and that there was nothing I could do about it.  At one point, I called my mom and screamed for her to drive us to the vet, and she said that no, there was nothing they could do.  But they could have done something more than I could have, right?  It will haunt me forever that I didn’t do everything in my power to save him.  And I just keep thinking–should I have returned him to where Charles found him?  But Charles later found his sibling in the road–killed by a car.  Leverett was a helpless newborn.  I’m just stuck.

As far as other changes go, I feel tension building between myself and Derek, and it makes me upset.  It’s not that I don’t want to spend the summer near him in Richmond.  It’s that I don’t want to live with my dad.  And I love my friends here.  And really, Sara summed it up best–I may be in love with Lewisburg.  I want to get a job here this summer and make money and just sort of slowly say bye.  It’s not that I won’t be back, but I will be away for a while.

Besides, I first experienced Lewisburg over the summer, and that’s why I loved it.  Now that I live here, there are more things to do and I have friends.  And I can make plans and I can meet new people who are looking for this connection.  Before, I didn’t understand why anyone would move to Lewisburg as an older person.  But as a teenager, I kind of get it.  It’s a college town, and it’s just lovely.



RABBIT RABBIT!
1 January, 2008, 135 am
Filed under: Music, My Experience with Existence | Tags: ,

I have just received news of a wonderful plan that COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN this month.  Or next month.  Fuck yes.  If it doesn’t fall through, I’ll fill you in on the details soon.

The New Year | Death Cab for Cutie

Also, off topic, for those of you who are wondering, I’ve applied to McGill and I’m working on applying to VCU.