INDIEchouette


NOW I ACTUALLY HAVE TO WEAR BOBBY PINS SOMETIMES
23 April, 2009, 1008 pm
Filed under: My Experience with Existence | Tags: ,

I encourage you to pick my mind.

I hope that you will pick my mind.

A lot of people don’t pick my mind.

If you pick my mind a little, you will see that I am an excruciatingly lonely person.

You should note that lonely and alone are not the same thing.  I could be very much not alone and still be very lonely.

If you don’t pick my mind, you may not see this.

If you pick my mind enough, you will see that I want someone who understands.

I do not have to hope for that.

I have only to hope that someone will pick my mind enough to understand.

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SAD ROBOT
Why I use the internet.

Why I use the internet.

I’ll say, stretching is underrated.  Stretch your arms way above your head, arch your back, twist around a bit.  You’ll see what I mean.  You might also yawn after, and then you will have to thank me.

Do you realize how profound a mother’s influence can be?  I was just reminded of a couple of girls (three, actually) I knew back in early high school whose moms got on their backs about their need to lose weight, to look a certain way, to wear certain clothes, to never forget makeup, and to retain certain ladylike hobbies.  All three of these girls are still pretty young, still in high school, but they’ve turned out to be Christian conservative girls with good posture.  They are beauty pageant daughters.  They don’t really enter beauty pageants, but I would not be surprised if they all attended Cotillion in middle school.  White, upper-middle class Southern belle dancing.  But in my humble opinion, these girls look fine the way they are.

Ma mère influenced me a good deal, too, and still attempts to reform my no-makeup, bad-posture ways.  And she can make me feel so self-conscious when she comments on my clothes or my hair or my skin or my eyebrows.  Sometimes it makes me not want to leave the house.  And she says that I absolutely cannot get piercings, except my ears if I want them, which I don’t.  But she allowed me certain liberties while growing up, maybe because I wasn’t an only child or even an only daughter, but one of three.  I was allowed to do whatever I wanted within reason, no sports, no girly activities like Cotillion, probably because it was too expensive and we were from the north.  My childhood consisted of making art, reading religiously, biking, playing outside, and writing.

The summer before I turned twelve, I spent all day reading every day for several weeks, and my mother grew concerned after a while.  She prohibited me from reading so much, but that’s the only time I can really recall that she stepped in.  I don’t remember how successful she was at that one.  Also, she hates the Shins because they remind her too much of the Beach Boys and doesn’t let me listen to them when she’s in earshot.  And she always used to say that she hoped that I did not listen to music about kids killing their parents.  Like I would.

Oh, “Jack Killed Mom” um…shit.  That doesn’t count!

Looking back, I’m glad she allowed me those liberties because even if I would look so much better if she were so strict about my appearance, she allowed me to develop into my own person, if somewhat reluctantly.  My mom let go of me at a certain point and allowed me to take control of everything from my hair to my eyebrows to my clothing to my music to my hobbies.  The only thing she will not let me control is body hair that is normally shaved.  The thing is that she doesn’t ever see my nether region, so she doesn’t know what’s going on.

Speaking of, here is one of the greatest scenes from one of the greatest chapters in all of the books I have read.   It is Everything Is Illuminated.  I guess I will only put some of it.

My grandfather and the Gypsy girl knew none of this as they made love for the last time, as he touched her face and fingered the soft underside of her chin, as he paid her the attention received by a sculptor’s wife.  Like this? he asked.  She brushed her eyelashes against his chest.  She moved her butterfly kiss across his torso and up his neck to where his left earlobe connected to his jaw.  Like this? she asked.  He pulled her blue blouse over her head, he undid her bead necklaces, he licked her smooth and sweaty armpits and ran his finger from her neck to her navel.  He drew circles around her caramel areolas with his tongue.  Like this? he asked.  She nodded and craned her head back.  He flicked her nipples with his tongue, and knew that it was all so completely wrong, everything, from the moment of his birth to this, everything was coming out the wrong way–not the opposite, but worse: close.

I can’t tell you how much of a funk I was in when I finished that book.  Right now, I feel out-typed, like I have been silkscreening my thoughts onto the internet for too long.  I can’t quite think straight.  I think that I just need vast amounts of sleep.

Between now and when I go to sleep, you should listen to some Stars.  I only obtained Sad Robots EP a few months ago, but ever since then, I am constantly listening to those six songs, minus “Going, Going, Gone [Live]” because it generally gives me a headache and reminds me of an alarm clock.

Undertow | Stars
[mediafire] [buy]
“Undertow” is a warm blanket on a cold night, an umbrella on a rainy day, and a bicycle on a sunny afternoon.  It is my crutch.  My favourite aspect of this song is that everything that is in the background is quiet.  So it’s really a tranquil song.  The breakdown near the end comes in at a close second place.

14 Forever | Stars
[mediafire] [buy]
Not like I’d like to be fourteen forever for real because I seriously hated being fourteen, but the feeling is so good.  You have to understand.  You know the tenderness that comes along with a first relationship, a first love.  I guess I don’t want to be left alone.

While we’re talking about being a teenager (“14 Forever”), I would like to mention the Hardee’s commercial which uses blatant meat pornography.  This is pretty much a double blow to me because while I could maybe handle some gorgeous woman sucking off a cucumber, it’s just disgusting to see her eating out a huge burger.  It’s not even the meat that really gets me, though.  It’s the pornography.

I’m a reasonable girl.  I can handle sex.  But I don’t think it’s appropriate.  I can’t quite wrap my mind around backup information as to why I can’t watch this commercial without thinking about a high-definition, high-budget porno.  You watch it, and it’s self-evident and shocking.  But it’s also advertising something that is despicable.  And the most interesting thing about this whole deal is that Padma Lakshmi, the model, used to be a vegetarian.  This is flipping a huge bird to the cause.

I don’t know.  You watch it and tell me what you think.

Just, I guess my probelm his that it’s sexual, sure, but it’s not sexy.  And it’s not doing anything to help the feminist front or the animal rights front.  It’s attacking both in one go.

Also, I just realized just how much I miss my mom, and how even if I was seventeen and had a nightmare and woke up screaming and sweaty because of a thunderstorm, she would let me sleep in her bed.  Even though I was just home recently, in March, I feel like I’m going nowhere.  I’m also so frustrated that I’m letting my grades suffer because of some inner crisis.  I also miss Lewisburg as a whole.  I miss Babygirl so much it hurts sometimes.  I miss Ali and Carol kidnapping me.  I miss Shannon coming into our house and eating our food and making up characters and gossipping.  I miss Aunt Peggy coming in and getting ice from the icemaker.  I miss making friendship bracelets without shoes on.  I miss biking around the neighborhood at eleven at night and crying so hard because I was so frustrated and I felt so helpless and alone, and then sitting in the back yard feeling dead, empty, and far from hungry and looking up at the stars.



BON ANNIVERSAIRE, JLEW!

Sometimes, I am frustratingly blind.  And it hurts.

Happy birthday, Jenny Lewis!  And happy Jenny Lewis’ birthday!  I celebrate that shit like it’s a religious holiday!

jlew

I give you some old favourites.

My Slumbering Heart | Rilo Kiley
[mediafire] [buy]

With Arms Outstretched | Rilo Kiley
[mediafire] [buy]

Spectacular Views | Rilo Kiley
[mediafire] [buy]

It’s A Hit | Rilo Kiley
[mediafire] [buy]

More Adventurous | Rilo Kiley
[mediafire] [buy]

Pictures of Success | Rilo Kiley
[mediafire] [buy]

Always | Rilo Kiley
[mediafire] [buy]

We Will Become Silhouettes | The Postal Service
[mediafire] [buy]

Oh man, Rilo Kiley marathon, fuck yes.  PS, Mediafire links coming soon.  Firefox and Mediafire just keep wigging out every time I try to find files, just for now.  Within the week, I promise, ilu.

I would like to shout out to my grrrl, Erika, for also celebrating Jenny Lewis’ birthday.

I got my hair cut today at Holiday Hair at the mall.  The haircut isn’t that bad, except that the “choppy layers” I was going for totally aren’t there, so needless to say, I’m kind of extremely pissed.  I even told the girl, “I WANT VOLUME.”  Like, what does that mean to you?  It means that it’s absolutely my priority and that I will sacrifice a rational haircut for some lift!  Swear to God, next time I want my hair cut, I am not going to [ask my mom to] pay $20 for it.  Oh, nuh-uh.  Don’t hate on me.  My mom’s the one who urged that I needed a haircut so badly, so she offered to pay up.

Instead of complaining, I’m going to go lurk all over /b/.  THAR R SRSLY GRLZ ON B?  RLY?  CUMDUMPSTERS EXIST?  NOWAI!  I rarely admit that I am a she.  You’ve been warned.  Be back later, bye.



I’M GOING TO PRETEND I WAS NEVER ON TEMPORARY HIATUS

Here is a story for you.  I thought I had four As and one B this semester at college.  When I checked my grades online, I found that I had four As and one C.  The C was in my one-credit Intro to University class, where we did jack shit and my teacher was a certified phony.  I’d nabbed As in Psyc, English, Math, and Gov.  This was not an easy feat.  And that one-credit piece of shit class dragged down my GPA.  Needless to say, I was at least a little frustrated, and supposing my cousin, Liz, chances upon this entry, she will probably correct me and tell me that I cried and she wanted to punch me in the face.  College is something you have to pay for, so my mentality was to achieve all As (unlike my high school mentality, which was “Fuck It”).

However, I still made Dean’s List.  This is extremely satisfying.

My message to you is:  If you go to VCU, do not take Univ 101 no matter how your advisor urges that you do so.  It’s just not worth the time.

I will give you two more things today.

The first is a book recommendation.  If you’re like me, then you have multitudes of books lying around your room and your suitcase that you cannot wait to read, yet there are still so many more that you have not yet acquired of which you yearn to get ahold.  And you’re ever so open to recommendations, as you love to read and you love books, but at the same time, you barely have room for another book in your life right now.  I am like this now, and I was also like this when I purchased the book that I am currently reading, but I urge you to do whatever you can to make room for this book.  And I’ll tell you what this book is.

But first, I have to admit that I can’t believe I haven’t read it yet.  I feel so overwhelmed now because I must have about a million undiscovered gems to read, especially considering the grandeur that is this novel.

everything-is-illuminated

The book is called Everything Is Illuminated and it was written by Jonathan Safran Foer.  And I’ll have to leave it at that, because it’s impossible to describe in all its intricacies.  I can tell you that if you doubt me at all, then just read the first “chapter” piece, narrated by Alex in hilariously fucked-up English.  If you’re a language person like I am, then you’ll appreciate these segments.  And if you still doubt me, then turn to the next “chapter” piece, narrated by Jonathan.  If you’re a detail-oriented person like I am, then you’ll appreciate these segments.  And if you still doubt me, well, you might as well read the entire novel.  It’s thick but the pages fly by.  And it’s probably worth it.

I might as well add that yes, a movie version does exist, and it may or may not be loyal to the book and it may or may not be fulfilling, but I only recommend the book.  It is worthwhile to read the book.  Elijah Wood is in the movie, but I don’t know whether or not it is worthwhile to watch.  Just read the book already.

Also, okay, since I had to find a photo of the book cover, I also ran into shots from the movie and it is tempting to watch it now.  But please, be a good person and read the book.

The last well…maybe the last thing I wanted to tell you is that of course I enjoy Melpo Mene, and that I have another Melpo Mene track to share with you.  Not unlike the band’s other tracks, this one is a sweet, soft lullaby-like crooner tune but it strikes me probably because it is both incredibly joyous and terribly melancholy at the same time.  It is not unlike a sunny afternoon on a day where you’ve slept too much, because while it’s dandy that everything is gorgeous and that you are well-rested, the sunlight will go away soon and the day will end and then you’ll have nothing to do.

I should get away | Melpo Mene
[zshare] [mediafire]
[website] [myspace]

And I was just thinking that maybe this should be the end of my post, but I have decided to take it upon myself to introduce to you a phenomenon.  If you have already seen this phenomenon, then I am proud of you.  But I can only go a few days or weeks without seeing this video before having to refresh my memory.

It’s not that I think this girl is stupid or that I want to hate on her.  I just find her videos humorous in content.  This is probably the most popular one, but her others are gems as well.  She can be good-natured and excited, which in turn brings a smile to my face maybe because her good moods are fairly contagious, or maybe because she’s just so unbearably silly.  It kind of reminds me of an exaggerated version of me reacting to anything to do with Rilo Kiley.  I’m not praising her views on Twilight, though.  I find it fairly silly to defend something like a popular (and allegedly poorly-written) piece of literature so relentlessly and without restraint.  This sort of video by a self-proclaimed “twituber” makes me want to test Twilight for myself so I can be a better judge, since my taste in literature is relatively acute.  Then again, most girls who read Twilight, their taste is acute too.  They mostly refuse to branch out from the Young Adult section, which means they’ll just imbibe novels like A-List, The Clique, and other such teen romance/girl-fiction shit.



THE CATHOLIC AVENGER IS DEAD
4 January, 2009, 1125 pm
Filed under: My Experience with Existence | Tags: , , ,

I do not like what they are teaching my 13-year-old sister at CCD.

In case you are wondering what CCD is, it is basically Bible school or Sunday school.  These volunteer parents and sometimes nuns, priests, and deacons teach you about Christianity.  It’s no fun, nobody wants to go except kind of to see their friends, and sometimes they give you nonvegan candy to reel you back in.  All of this, so you can learn the watered-down, filtered version of Christianity so that you’ll consent to the sacrament of Confirmation.

In case you are wondering what CCD stands for, it stands for Confraternity of Christian Doctrine.  I learned this tonight, because I was reading my sister’s CCD notebook.  Yes, they have homework for church classes.  It’s ridiculous.

But what’s more ridiculous is that “confraternity” bullcrap.  A fraternity is a brotherhood, which signifies the exclusion of women.  A confraternity is a group of men bound by a common interest or profession (in this case, Catholicism).  As a feminist, I smell something fishy and outrageous about this.  Don’t give me shit that a confraternity could include women.  The Catholic church especially has fun excluding women from positions of power.  Women are deprived of one entire sacrament–the holy order.  And it’s all because of “tradition.”  That is not equal, and I would argue that it’s not ethical either.  What reasoning is there?

Another thing that pissed me off was that my sister had written SEX and then put a big old prohibitory sign around it, and she did the same with PORN.  While I don’t think any 13-year-old should be particularly interested in sexual intercourse, I don’t think that they should be taught that it’s a horrible temptation that will send you straight to hell.  What exactly draws that line where this one thing is okay after marriage but completely damning before?  And in my opinion, pornography can be liberating, intriguing, and artistic.  It is not a temptation at all.  Sex is a necessity.  It’s just society that has such a problem with it.

The last thing in her notebook that annoyed me profoundly was something where she was told to define matrimony as “man + woman.”  Strictly man + woman.  And then she was told to define a holy order as “man + church.”  This is extremely exclusive and poisoning, and also incredibly frustrating.  They’re teaching my siblings this, as well as the siblings of my peers.  And it’s detrimental to society as a whole.

The good news is that I talked to her, and she agrees that the given definitions of matrimony and holy orders are frustrating, and also seemed at least fairly interested in feminism, asking a few questions and nodding along when I told her about society’s ills.  But it must be hard to acquire interest in something that seems so hopelessly wrong, which has no definite solution.



CONOR OBERST AND THE MYSTIC VALLEY BAND, 12TH NOVEMBER 2008

Taylor Hollingsworth is a man to watch.

Onstage, he is reservedly seductive.  But damn, can he play guitar.  You just need to watch him.

Also, tonight I realized that I am not a fangirl, and I do not get starstruck.  I probably realized this after Man Man.  When I see someone “famous,” I do not scream.  When I meet someone famous, I do not scream.  In fact, I simply don’t talk.  This isn’t because I’m stricken, but it’s more because my shyness takes on again.  I guess with people who have to deal with people like me all day, I can be myself.  But a “famous” person?  I don’t particuarly care about “famous” people more than I care about anyone else, and let’s face it.  They don’t care about me.

So when Conor Oberst unbuttoned his shirt, I did not have an orgasm.  When Taylor Hollingsworth looked in my direction (though likely not at me), I did not scream or really react, except by looking back and offering a reassurring half-smile and then looking away.  I do not want to suck the dicks of famous musicians.  Know why?  I wouldn’t be the first, and I wouldn’t be the last, and I wouldn’t matter.  That’s why.

Man Man made me skeptical.

Also, Ben Kweller played “Sundress.”  I think that was the highlight of the night for me, even if he did look like a 90s motorcycle gang member or my dad (attire).  Taylor Hollingsworth made the Mystic Valley Band worth it.  Actually, all the guys in the band were great.  Jason Boesel, Macey Taylor (he was a cool, nice-seeming guy who kept smiling), Nik Freitas, and Nate Walcott (who I couldn’t really see…).  Conor Oberst was cool to watch, but I would have preferred Bright Eyes.  And fangirls who yell stupid things during silences like, “YOU’RE SO SEXY CONOR!!!!!!!!111!!!one!!!!” ruin it for everyone.  Really.



MINIRANT ON STARBUCKS
29 October, 2008, 1020 am
Filed under: My Experience with Existence | Tags: , , ,

I dislike Starbucks.  I dislike it because it pushes small, quality, family-owned coffee shops out of business by offering lower-quality, overpriced, character-less products that are rarely vegan that are convenient, that I really don’t want to buy.  To me, Starbucks always feels like an assembly line.  Some people would refer to this as a “slaughterhouse” feeling.  Any way you put it, I dislike it.  So I refuse to buy things there.

I’m a die-hard for Cherry Alley Café in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania.  Because even if I don’t live there, and even if they don’t play my sorts of music all the time whenever I do manage to get there, that’s one homelike place.  This homelike, no-pressure atmosphere makes me want to buy things there.  Plus, they’re very vegan-friendly and they sell quality products for cheap.  Oh, did I mention that you really can’t find vegan-friendly places in Lewisburg, or in most cities in Pennsylvania unless we’re talkin’ Philadelphia or Pittsburgh?

But I still like to sit in here and take advantage of Starbucks’ wireless internet while having my nose serenaded by apparently wonderful smells.