I don’t entirely know why, but lately, I have been having some fucked up mood swings.  One moment, I am on the verge of crying at the jewelery counter at Boscovs with my dad because everyone there is totally insensitive to the blood diamond crisis.  The next moment, I am giddy with delight at the fact that I can eat a tangerine and play The Sims 3:  World Adventures.  One moment, I am curled up in fetal position because I miss you so much, wondering how I would get on without you if I never spoke with you again.  The next moment, I am elated at the fact that I get to go back to Richmond on Sunday.  I am deflated because I feel so spoiled at any gift-receiving opportunity, so self-righteous, I hate myself for being warm in my parents’ respective homes, for being able to cuddle with their cats who are held there against their will, or because many other people my age don’t get these comforts.  Everything wonderful has some problem, simply because I am able to enjoy luxuries.  And technology mostly distracts me and provides temporary relief and more cause for distress.  Reading absorbs and depresses me.  I want to read.  I just can’t bring myself to do it.

One thing I do love unconditionally is giving gifts, though.  Holiday gifts are okay, but I really prefer giving spur-of-the-moment gifts, like monthly mix CDs and crafts and love letters and vegan food.  No matter what, gift giving always makes me feel better.

The only real solution here is to cut back on playing The Sims 3, Country Story, Restaurant City, and Crazy Planets and to start living unvicariously.  I will still  write.

I want to take more photos with my Diana+ Dreamer, too.  I want to take more photos and get more developed and take photos of my crafts and read more and quote more and live more and cook more and eat more and give you recipes by which you should live.  I want to quit eating processed foods.  It all sounds like a New Year’s Resolution, but it’s not.  I’m just realizing that I’m unhappy.  And maybe it’s because I’m home for break, dependent once again.  I resent being dependent.  I do not resent my friends or my family, but I do resent being dependent on them for everything from rides to groceries to entertainment.

At my dad’s house today, Rachael, Alexa, and I tuned in to the middle part of Into The Wild, which is a movie that I would love to see.  It was extremely sunny and beautiful except for the part where he kills a moose, which I have mixed feelings about because it would be okay if maybe he won in hand-to-hand combat with the moose, but he used a gun.  And it would be okay, maybe, if he were truly desperate, but he is not.  I mean, I know that he plans to eat everything, but there is no compassion in the scene.  Even Avatar has some damn compassion for animals.

It was sunny outside of my father’s house, and the sun was making its descent behind the snowy mountains littered with hibernating trees.  At that moment, there was no way that I wanted to die.  I wanted to drag you out onto the Pennsylvania highway with me so we could look at houses from the roads and take photographs of the Lehigh Valley.  I was in one of those moods where I could listen to any song, so I listened to “tinsel and foil” by Paik even though I don’t like it very much even if it is Charlatantric’s favourite song of 2008 or something.  Do you ever get romantic like that on car rides?  Ridiculously idealistic?  Do you fall in love that way?  I fall in love on car rides and journeys of all types.

Here’s a song I listened to in the car today which I enjoyed.  I got this song from a mix CD that came with a book that I am going to give SOMEone for Christmas when I see her.  I wish someone would put this on a mix CD for me.  Instead, I will put this on a mix CD for someone else.

My Funny Valentine | Norfolk & Western
[mf] [buy]

Speaking of excellent songs from mix CDs, Kelsey made me a CD of her favourite songs about a month back, and while the whole entire thing strikes me as brilliant and thoroughly playable, this one song stuck out above the rest.  “Home is whenever I’m with you.”  Yeah, that’s true.  Plus, I can’t get over all of the old-fashioned sayings throughout the song.  It’s the most beautiful piece of elation I’ve ever heard.

Home | Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
[mf] [buy]

Tomorrow, I am journeying with my amigas to New York City, probably the Village, and I will probably fall in love on the car ride and I will miss you dearly.  This travel time will probably clutter my Twitter a little bit.  By the way, pleeeease don’t resent me for having a Twitter.  I don’t think that anything I tweet is important.


5 Comments so far
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Dear roommate.
I got my bike fixed, by someone… not my dad, weird. We need to hang out and develop photos, and eat chipotle!
btw, i hate the movie “Into the Wild” it can suck my non-existent cock.
and i cleaned the fridge… it was a journey.

vagina awesome.

Comment by rawrmeansiwuvyu

Dear roommate,

I’m glad Snorlax is better. Now we can ride Snorlax and Ponyta everywhere together again. They can be reunited and get married and have fat teal babies.

I have plenty of film for us to get developed and plenty of room for Chipotle!

Also, thanks for cleaning the fridge. I owe you times 3000 because…damn. That’s a rough chore.


PS You can suck Into The Wild’s dick.

Comment by indiechouette

I miss how we used to be. I had never had that with anyone.

Comment by Malte Laurids Brigge

Neither had I.

Comment by indiechouette

Too bad it is gone.

Comment by Malte Laurids Brigge

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