30 March, 2009, 916 pm
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Virginia sent me a link that her boyfriend made her check out, and it brought me such fantastic joy in such great volumes that I must share with you the glory that is the John Butler Trio. Except this one’s just John Butler by himself.

At first, you look at his fingernails. Then you hear the music, and it is overwhelming joy. I won’t let words get in the way.

28 March, 2009, 1024 pm
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The funny thing is that I fell off my bike on Friday…I hit a curb.  And it was really embarrassing.  And it hurt.  And I started shaking pretty badly after because I’m not going to lie–it scared the shit out of me.  When I first purchased my bike, I was scared of accidents.  And I’d heard some pretty gruesome ones involving car doors and buses.  I expected not to get into anything major, but come ooon.  A curb?  That’s lame.

And what’s more lame is that my battle scar isn’t shaped like anything.  It’s just an oval.  And it hurts like a bitch to touch it.

Also, my fucking…gah!  Wisdom teeth!  One of them is coming up through the gums!  Agonizing pain of childbirth!

Soon I will write about something interesting that is not physical pain.

26 March, 2009, 927 pm
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Go to it if you can!  I will be there all day every day!  Byrd Theatre on West Cary Street!

$12 per film!  It may be a hefty price, but it will be well worth it, I promise.

26 March, 2009, 1259 am
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I drank Mountain Dew at about midnight.  Now I am just waiting for the caffiene to kick in or wear off.

Until then, I feel the need to document biking adventures for people who are considering investing in a bike.  I’m new to the whole thing, too, so I’m just going to share my own experience.  You can’t really take my word as The Word.  But I’d be more than happy if you’d share tips or your own experiences with me!  I’m currently obsessed with biking for many reasons, one of which being my lack of hunger for candy.  Another of which being that waiting for the VCU Campus Connector bus really blows sometimes.  I prefer to take the fate of my timeliness into my own hands.

I purchased my bike, named Ponyta for no apparent reason other than the fact that Virginia thought it was appropriate, at Bunnyhop Bike Shop on West Grace Street.  Before I made my purchase, however, I checked out Re-cycles on West Cary Street and one other place on Main Street, near Carytown.  I guess you could say that it’s on the way to Carytown.  Since I’m easily intimidated, Bunnyhop was the place for me just because the staff guy was helpful, friendly, and also…they a bike in my price range, which I fell in love with right away because it was so cute.

Ponyta is a green AMF Voyager with a basket and a bell and the kind of brakes where you petal backwards.  If you see her around, you should thread a note into the basket saying that I’m a sexy vegan because SOMEone did that last week, and I don’t know who it was, except that I’ve eliminated about five people.  Secret anonymous notes have serious potential to make my day.

Anyway, I started by riding on the sidewalk, which is apparently illegal in Richmond, but I have ridden past the cops on my bike on the sidewalk about ten thousand times, and they’ve never done anything to prohibit me from this activity.  If they did, then I think that would be very anal.  They’re probably more worried about legitimate problems like muggings and maybe shoplifting.  Plus, I saw a biking cop riding on the sidewalk.  So I think it’s okay.  But if you’ve ever walked on the sidewalk in Richmond, you’ll notice that they are very uneven, and the brick ones are extremely bumpy.  This is not only fairly dangerous, but it also makes progress pretty slow and requires strict concentration if you want to get anywhere.  It’s also common sense that if you want to maintain control of your bike while you’re going over any bikes, standing up briefly makes it far more tolerable.

For the record, my bike is a one-speed and I think it’s actually a kids’ bike.  Because I am lamely kid-sized.  But you know how gear bikes make clicking noises while you’re not pedaling?  Well, my bike is silent except when I go over bumps, in which case, it sounds like a shopping cart.  I think that’s why I have a bell, but I feel like an asshole ringing it at pedestrians.  Hi, here’s a cheerfuck “Fuck You” and by the way, get out of my way.  Pedestrians prefer if you ride in the street, and drivers prefer if you ride on the sidewalk.  It is a no-win situation.  For now, I ride generally ride on the sidewalk to get to main campus and I ride mostly in the street to get back to the other campus.  To get to Carytown, it’s fine to ride in the street on Main.  There’s enough room and it’s so much quicker that way.

I have rules of thumb regarding riding my bike between classes, too.  If it is between ten till and o’clock, I walk my bike to my destination because the sidewalks are so crowded with students getting out of and going to classes that it’s hard to keep from hitting anyone.  If it is any other time, then I can manage to ride.  I just think it’s kind of a courtesy and a safety thing because lots of pedestrians are unaware.  It’s a dick move to ride on the sidewalk with so many pedestrians.  It’s like you’re breathing down their necks.

For me, I think pedestrians are so cute and predictable, so fragile that you need to look out for their slow selves.  Drivers, though, are generally assholes to bikers, just as they are sometimes to pedestrians.  In my little experience, I guess you just have to hold your ground if you have the right of way and if you’re riding in the street.  When I’ve done that, I’ve had no problem.  Lack of assertiveness has created problems, though.  Drivers just need to respect that ground and not get impatient because really?  It’s not going to make them any more late to have to be able to wait to pass a bike.

Also notable:  I am gaining muscle pretty rapidly.  First of all, my thighs, which normally have no substance, are gaining a little muscle and I can tell when I sit down and pedal because my pants are tighter right there.  And for some reason, I am feeling my biceps building up probably not because of actual riding, but maybe because of lifting my bike on and off of bike racks and up and down curbs because I can’t hop.  Ponyta herself is light, but she is heavy when I have my Deutschbuch and assorted notebooks and novels.  The rest of my body seems to be very gradually evening out because with physical activity, I’m not so tempted to binge on candy and other unhealthy snacks.  I haven’t bought Sour Patch Watermelons for so long.  Instead, I regularly crave salad and cranberry juice and pasta.  And biking makes me tired but gives me motivation to get off my ass and work to get food.  I like this.

24 March, 2009, 958 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I’m skipping morning classes.  This is a terrible thing to do, but I figure that cleaning my room has a little priority.

I said I found my Xanga from when I was fourteen.  Well, you can view it if you want to.  It’s actually a little funny.  Even at fourteen, I hated society and according to May 16th, 2005, I was an existentialist “thinker” even if I didn’t know all that much about existentialism.

Two things that make me laugh:
1.  “I got to know Nikita’s ways and stuff.”
2.  I thought that Butter Rum Lifesavers could get you drunk…and was thus scared to eat them.

I wrote about everything and everyone so dismissively that I have to wonder if I really cared about anything.  And I had such low self-esteem and talked about it all the time but I wonder if I was really that ugly and fat.  Too bad not many photos exist.  I remember spending so much time turned sideways in front of the mirror, looking only at my stomach.  But I wonder how it’s changed, because I still worry about how pregnant I might look and how much acne I have.

One thing’s for sure, though.  I’m getting my hair cut short again, and this time, I can’t wait because instead of low-maintenance, it will be no-maintenance and very wavy.  I’m so excited that I’m tempted to take scissors to my hair right now, but I know that would go really badly.

I will leave you with a Divyaism.

Spring Trip 2005?

Spring Trip 2005?


I think this one is easier on the ears.

1.  Sea Legs | The Shins
[mediafire] [buy]
The beginning to this song, before any melody or lyrics, sort of reminds me of something Switchfoot would do, and I loved Switchfoot when I was maybe fourteen.  I have since moved on, but you could say that I am comforted by familiar things.  Everyone is.  In addition to reminding me of Switchfoot, the Shins will always remind me of some scene from Garden State, even if only two of their songs were in the movie.  “Sea Legs” is a darker Shins piece, but it’s not unpleasant.  In its boldness, it is pleasant.  It is assertive.  It is an evening piece.  The evening is my favourite time of day.  That’s why I put this on my March mix, because it’s starting to get warmer, it’s spring, and the evenings are beginning to grow more and more enjoyable.

2.  Unforgettable Season | Cut Copy
[mediafire] [buy]
Sometimes, when I have a clear head, blank slate, and I don’t already have a song in mind, I’ll allow my iPod to shuffle around songs that I don’t listen to very often.  That’s how I grew to like “Unforgettable Season.”  The reason I allowed myself to listen instead of switching the song is that it’s encouraging and atmospheric, like most summer songs.  It’s not summer, but it’s close enough.

3.  Can’t Stop Now | Keane
[mediafire] [buy]
As I said before, familiarity is comforting.  Keane is familiar.  Also, Keane and piano rock in general both give me this weird romantic-comedy feelings.  It’s probably because Keane always has this pained, broken-hearted sound that captures the feeling that someone is lonely and trying very hard to be happy in order to get over something dreadful.  I’m not going to lie (and really, why would I lie), I love that sound and I love that feeling.  Emotion keeps my heart running.

4.  Take Me Anywhere | Tegan & Sara
[mediafire] [buy]
I think Tegan & Sara’s short songs are the best ones because they pack the most feeling into the smallest packages.  For example, listen to “Soil, Soil.”  That’s one of my favourites.  Also, the short ones tend to be the catchier ones.

5.  Jedi | melpo mene
[mediafire] [buy]
I have a newfound love for Star Wars.  And I have a relatively newfound love for the style of elevator music that Melpo Mene produces.  But my love for gentle, delicate voices is not newfound.  It may be because of “I Adore You” or maybe because of the all-around sound that their albums produce, but I find that Melpo Mene is the epitome of a cloud-band.  Also, for some reason, maybe because his voice is just so delicate and his songs just so tender, Erik Mattiasson somehow reminds me of a Swedish version of Gael García Bernal’s character in The Science of Sleep, which is endearing.  It makes me want to tuck him in and make him breakfast.

6.  Pagan Angel And A Borrowed Car | Iron & Wine
[mediafire] [buy]
Ali pointed out to me that Sam Beam looks like Jesus.  I already somehow realized this, but having her point it out so bluntly is only a little bit of a setback, because I generally love hairy people.  I really don’t care that he has taken up the typically unattractive Christ-look because of his delicate, smooth, and intimate voice, which is revealing but still manages to retain a great amount of dignity.  I love Sam Beam’s work.

7.  Let It Fall | Lykke Li
[mediafire] [buy]
I uploaded this song only a few days ago, but here!  I’m giving you another chance to introduce yourself to Lykke Li!  Every time I listen to this song, I want to hopskotch, jumprope, draw with chalk, and play outdoors kids’ games.  Do not ask why.  Probably because of the sing-songness, syncopation, and “so happy-ee-ee-ee!” Maybe I’ll make a mix of new childhood nostalgia songs for the summer.

8.  Soul Meets Body | Death Cab For Cutie
[mediafire] [buy]
I also uploaded this song recently, but I don’t think I ever explained just why.  I went on a bike-trip for dinner to Carytown with Virginia and Bryan, neither of whom have websites that I can link to.  We ate dinner at Nacho Mama’s and then left to gather up our bikes and as we drove past Nacho Mama’s again, we heard this song emanating from the outdoor speakers.  When I hear a song that I already love playing in a public place, I will be hooked on it for a while.  This one’s for the good biking weather!

9.  Coat Check Dream Song | Bright Eyes
[mediafire] [buy]
Cassadaga wasn’t as awesome as Conor Oberst’s older material.  We all know that.  The warbly voice was gone, the drugs were absent.  There were, however, some winners, such as this one, which features some woman as a guest–who is it?  Is there more than one woman?  Is one of those women Maria Taylor?  I think that the woman in this song really makes it.

10.  Dance Dance Dance | Lykke Li
[mediafire] [buy]
I searched Lykke Li on Youtube.  I found this video.  A dancer all alone.  This song could make you feel so alone in a crowd.  The percussion.  Her lonely voice.  The lonely lyrics.  I became ecstatic and fell in love with the song.  What I love is that there is not really any buildup and it never becomes a huge fanfare, though it gradually becomes a little more lively, a little more happy until there is a chorus of women and maybe one man.  Also, it’s probably the only song in the world written and performed by a self-proclaimed shy person.  I love that.

11.  Wedding March | Erin Tobey
[mediafire] [buy]
I don’t like the idea of marriage, but I love the idea of a female acoustic artist.  In fact, I love the idea of acoustic artists in general.  Or acoustic artists that are purely instrumental.  Or purely instrumental artists.  Lyrics sometimes get in the way.  That doesn’t happen with Erin Tobey.  Erin Tobey’s voice is so gentle, anyway, that it just combines with the guitar and absolutely floats as it ascends to meet Melpo Mene in the clouds.  Listen to the lyrics, though.  They are how I feel.

12.  Avignon | Pinback
[mediafire] [buy]
This was my first taste of Pinback years ago.  So when I was asked by Ke at the beginning of last semester if I had ever heard of Pinback, yes, I had, but I didn’t know it until I checked out my charts from forever ago.  My first taste of Pinback was via and I was probably sixteen.  I must add here that it was a faster verion and that I officially love songs with pet names.  In this case, they’re sad pet names.  In other cases, you get pet names like Baby Girl, which is basically my cat’s name.  Babygirl.  Babyqirl.

Avignon (Full Band Version) | Pinback
[mediafire] [buy]
This is the faster version.

13.  Hanging High | Lykke Li
[mediafire] [buy]
Supposing I have children, I want them to grow up listening to this serene tune.  That’s the first thing I thought when I first heard these bittersweet sounds.  She has a delicate but distinct voice, so sweet and dignified, so bold, and so young.  She’s so young.  It all shows here.

14.  Effigy | Andrew Bird
[mediafire] [buy]
You can tell that Andrew Bird definitely loops the beginning, which is a magical procedure to witness live.  He has to be so precise!  Anyway, I heard this one at Cherry Alley, which was another case of falling in love with a song I know and then hear in a public place.  I recognized Andrew Bird’s distinct voice immediately and felt calm.  As far as I’ve noticed, he rarely uses guests, but when he does, they’re incredible females.  Ali put it so simply:  It’s such a beautiful song.  Even if it’s about death.  Well really, those can be the most beautiful because they’re loneliest.

15.  House By The Sea | Iron & Wine
[mediafire] [buy]
I feel that I need to show you a picture of Sam Beam’s Jesus-ness in order for you to understand.

Not Sam Beam.  Actually Jesus.

Not Sam Beam. Actually Jesus.

The reason I love this song so much is that it talks about two jealous sisters waiting in a house, basically just prepping, doing nothing, waiting for something terrible.  I picture an abandoned house where my sister is making angels in the dust on the wooden floors and I am walking around, loving her, trying to take care of her, trying to change the locks on the door, trying to keep her safe even though we can’t be safe anywhere and we will have to leave soon.  There is a lot of imagery, and it reminds me of myself and my sister, Rachael.  Or what we could be if we were terrible people who had to get along because we had nobody else.  Also, I love raspberries.  And I love the way Sam Beam sings about raspberry leaves.  And I love the guitar riffs.  This is currently my favourite Iron & Wine song.

16.  Underground | Sentinel
[mediafire] [buy]
Even if the guitar parts make little sense to me, it’s my favourite part.  I like this song because it has potential.  It succeeds in being atmospheric and a definite travelling song, which is all I really ask of it.  My favourite part is either the beginning or the last ~30 seconds.  If you like it, then I advise that you check out “Avalanche” by Sentinel.

17.  2 O’Clock | Kaki King
[mediafire] [buy]
Kaki King is playing a childish game with us.  Her voice is like Erin Tobey’s in that it floats up in the clouds.  I’m guessing that this song is about someone who is taking care of a very injured person who doesn’t love her. the pain is the reason I love this song.  And the sing-songness she uses when she gets to the built-up part.  I generally love Kaki King’s ability to capture any melancholy emotion, though.  In a sense, it’s a shame she doesn’t sing more, since her voice is tinged with pleasantness, but then, I’d be afraid that her voice or lyrics would get in the way of her music, which would be unfortunate.  Also,  you need to listen to Kaki King’s retaliation at the end of the track.  Don’t stop when she stops singing.  Keep going.

18.  Out On The Weekend | Neil Young
[mediafire] [buy]
Listening to the original really stresses just how well Conor Oberst/Bright Eyes can cover Neil Young.  Or how much Neil Young influenced Bright Eyes.  I wish I had good taste when I was younger.  Don’t fret that it’s a really quiet track, either; my dad converted all of his records into mp3 format and that’s why.  “She’s so fine/She’s in my mind/I hear her callin'”  Yeah.  Favourite part in any version.

19.  Resurrection Fern | Iron & Wine
[mediafire] [buy]
My attention was called to this piece because it was on a mix that someone close to Jaimie had made for her.  It shows how close.  Whenever I hear, “Like stubborn boys across the road we’ll keep everything,” I think of Charles, Coleton, Phelan, Travis, and Torey and how close we were the summer of 2007 on North 11th Street under Charles’ tree.  Every day!  Every night!  Circle Meetings!  We were a family, along with my real family, Rachael, Alexa, and Shannon.  I loved them all.  I still love them all.  I miss being lonely, underage, and terribly sad.  I think that it’s harder to be lonely and of age.  I really do.

The really hopeless victims of mental illness are to be found among those who appear to be most normal.  “Many of them are normal because they are so well adjusted to our mode of existence, because their human voice has been silenced so early in their lives, that they do not even struggle or suffer or develop symptoms as the neurotic does.”  They are normal not in what may be called the absolute sense of the word; they are normal only in relation to a profoundly abnormal society.  Their perfect adjustment to that abnormal society is a measure of their mental sickness.  These millions of abnormally normal people, living without fuss in a society to which, if they were fully human beings, they ought not to be adjusted, still cherish the “illusion of individuality,” but in fact they have been to a great extent deindividualized.  Their conformity is developing into something like uniformity.  But “uniformity and freedom are incompatible.  Uniformity and mental health are incompatible too. . . . Man is not made to be an automaton, and if he becomes one, the basis for mental health is destroyed.”

-Aldous Huxley, Brave New World Revisited

21 March, 2009, 1150 pm
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Most of my readers stick around only for the music I post.  I know this.  I know that you don’t actually read most of what I write.  You don’t check out my pictures.  You are apathetic.  Some of you aren’t.  Some of you care so much you can’t stand it.  I don’t mind if you don’t care, though.  I would still write without readers.  In fact, I do frequently write and record things that won’t be read by you.  Even if it seems like I confide a lot in the internet, making it public domain for those who seek it, there is all too much that I don’t confide anywhere.

I’m going to give you this clip and then sleep because I am so tired.  For this video, you can thank Brent.

20 March, 2009, 953 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Inga Muscio came out to VCU today.

I would have told all of you earlier, but I forgot to.  Hah.  Sorry.

Anyway, the talk she gave was mainly on racism and how it is basically threaded into the way we live our lives.  The crowd was loving and she was professional but entirely friendly.  Her readings were enthusiastic, mainly from Autobiography of a Blue-Eyed Devil.  I expected more from Cunt.  It was definitely not a disappointment, but instead a pleasant surprise.


If you feel like adding me on Twitter, by golly, do it.  My username is paigeconnors.  I care who you are and am deeply interested in you, but I won’t be selective.  And if you follow me, I will follow you right back.  I like to know what my readers are up to.  And my friends.  You guys are my friends, right?


This is a feeling update, though, more than anything.  I have debated for months and years as to whether or not I should include emotions and feelings and personal confessions in my blog entries on here.  For one thing, I thought it seemed downright unprofessional, especially since you don’t really know who I’m talking about if I mention people.  But on the other hand, emotions are such a large part of anyone’s life, and I feel that it’s important to share them.  Emotions and feelings are such a part of me!  Confessions are, too.  So I’m sticking to the latter conclusion.

I am alone.

I am not alone in the friends-sense.  I have so many friends.  I’m always gaining more friends.  I love all of my friends.  In fact, I love people who aren’t my friends, people who reach out to me to take care of me, people who realize what a fragile baby I am, people who smile at me, people who attempt to converse with me but realize how incompetent I am because I’m so fucking timid.

I am alone in the sense that I am not in love with anyone.

I don’t know if I’ve told you, but I’ve at least temporarily renounced love.  I should clarify.

I have not given up because life has been cruel to me on the battlefield that is love.  No.  Not at all.  Hell, life has been awesome to me in that respect.  I’ve dated a lot of people, all of whom were humane and decent towards me.  I got cheated on once or twice and one relationship fell apart because as it turns out, I was dating a gay guy.  But none of those crushed me because I hadn’t invested a lot of romantic interest in them.  Even the relationships I’ve been in that did set me back at the end were with incredible people that I’m still close with, extremely decent people who were lovely towards me.  And I picked myself up, brushed the dirt off my jeans, wiped the tears from my eyes, and moved on.  The worst breakup wasn’t so easy, but I’m okay now.  I’m okay.

What I mean by renouncing love is that there was some point where I realized that I have the capacity to love more than one person and that it’s not realistic for me to try to confine my love to one person when I can love so many people.  Of course, if I know people, I know that this will lead to vicious jealousy and possibly heartbreak.  But just because I’ve invested myself in more than one person doesn’t mean I have a preference list.  It just means that I appreciate many qualities that can’t all be present in just one person.

Basically, one-person love is love wearing blinders.  I can’t do that.  I don’t want to do that now.

Maybe I just think I can’t because I haven’t met anyone new who’s even remotely interested in me for over a year.  Plus, commitment as I know it scares the shit out of me.  I can’t see myself commiting to one person for years and years and years because even when I was in relationships that I wanted to be in, I often felt suffocated by hand-holding or public displays of affection.  Maybe I need to be in a relationship that I want first, that I need to strive for and think about and achieve.  But then I just sound like a conqueror of land or something.

It’s true, though, that women often expect the men to make things start.

What if I get a crush on a girl, though?  I almost think that it would be more difficult then, because it’s hard to distinguish between regular girl-actions and flirtatious girl-actions.

Anyway, I have no relationship-influences in my life right now and it’s difficult to come to terms with the fact that I don’t want any right now.

18 March, 2009, 643 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Paige loves riding her bike everywhere. It is an incredibly enjoyable activity and as it turns out, all the biking she did last semester at the gym totally paid off in endurance of the legs.  Tonight, she will probably dream of biking.  As of right now, she has biked around eight miles and will probably not bike anymore today, but her brain feels as though it is still in constant motion, as though on a bike.


Someone left a note on my bike today that said “Paige is a sexy vegan!  <3”   It is in a girly handwriting, but I really have no idea who put it there.  Whoever did it, I love him or her to pieces because I love anonymous notes.


Here is what is in my head now.

Soul Meets Body | Death Cab for Cutie
[mediafire] [buy]

Here is what was in my head during the part of the day where pleasant melodies in my head would have been useful.  “Millionär” by Die Prinzen.


Most intriguing photo I’ve found in recent days, from stumblin’.



In other news, my computer charger was murdered today in a nasty fall.  I ate too much.  And it was such a gorgeous day that I grinned for its entirety and didn’t even worry about my clumsy smile.


The most comforting thing right now is Sam Beam’s gentle voice.

17 March, 2009, 202 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Over break, I was introduced to Die Prinzen. How fortunate.  This is dedicated to my friends who love “Millionär” fiercely.

Take note of his dance moves.  I hear they’re hot right now.  You should try them out the next time you go out…clubbing…

Heh heh.

15 March, 2009, 1142 pm
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I have considered beginning a new blog, because I feel this one dying.

It is upsetting to see an old friend go.

I feel this blog dying probably because I am concerned with immersing myself in life instead of just writing about wishing that I could live a certain way.

But I probably will not begin a new blog or go on hiatus.  What I will do instead is pump this full of life.  I should document everything.  Music, photographs, cool things I find on the internet or wherever, really.  Then maybe loyal readers will be proud of themselves.  My friends will be proud of themselves, too.  They will no longer have a half-dead friend.  I will be alive.  And you will be able to live with me.

This will be the first post in the revival of my blog.


The best way to reach out to me is to add me on Facebook.  I am not a whore of a friend collector; I am genuinely interested in people.  Unfortunately, I am also horribly, terribly shy, even on the internet.  But if you add me, you can be sure that the feeling you get late on Thursday night, that weird sense of being watched over in a good way–that is me lurking.

I am the first person to admit that I am a creep.

Also, I am trying to refrain from using the word “creeper”, even though I love it.

And while we are on the subject, I should point out one other thing.  I bet my simple voice frustrates some of you.  The way I talk in reality is probably even more frustrating.  It is like this, really simple, only I talk slowly because I am thinking and I am trying not to say “like”.


Several months ago, Jaimie lent me a CD.  She told me that it would be a real treat.  That is her word.  Treat.

I imported it onto my computer and gave it back and kind of ignored her comments on the album.  I must admit that I did not exactly get a boner over the ordeal.  For clarification and in retrospect, I believe that I obtained a massive boner when I purchased Under the Blacklight by Rilo Kiley, as well as both of Jenny Lewis’ outside effort.  And I achieved a large boner when I first listened to Gulag Orkestar by Beirut.  You think that I should move on as new music comes, but I am a pretty loyal listener when an album gives me a supermassive boner.

I realize that being a girl and mentioning my own boners is not exactly professional, as I do not have a penis, which renders my own boners nonexistent, but how would you feel if I said that the albums made me all wet?  Well, it would be believable and you would be in an excruciatingly uncomfortable position, wondering whether or not I am completely lying.


It was only this past week that I began to listen to the album that Jaimie lent me.

One of the reasons it took me this long is because I had listened to a few songs by the artiste before and thought, “Eh.  Big deal.”  I was not impressed.  But for this artist, it takes more than the two most popular songs for her to make a real impression.  The blogs do not do her justice!  The blogs could not do her justice unless every last blog somehow legally distributed her entire album for free, which is actually not possible as far as I know.

So I guess instead of giving you the whole album, I will give you my favourite few songs from the album.  But please don’t get me wrong.  In order to fully taste Lykke Li, you will just have to listen to Youth Novels in its entirety.

Hanging High | Lykke Li
[mediafire] [buy]
The song I plan to raise my children on, supposing I have any.
Dance Dance Dance | Lykke Li
[mediafire] [buy]
The song I plan to use as my theme song for the entire spring of 2009.
I’m Good I’m Gone | Lykke Li
[mediafire] [buy]
The song that you need to know if you are going to go by Most People’s Evaluations of Lykke Li.
Let It Fall | Lykke Li
[mediafire] [buy]
The song that is about crying that I could not possibly cry to.

I don’t care if she is so “last year” or if I am “so behind.”  By the way, Lykke Li is pronounced, “likely,” am I right?


Finally, I am not certain how many of you will be amused by this, and I am not certain how many of you will find this relevant in any way.

I am filled with a certain sense of despair whenever I look at this and this.

The first shows for certain how much we have dominated without anyone else’s consent.  And the places we have not gone yet?  Well, they are just not desirable for supporting human life.

The second shows for certain how many of us there are and how much damage we are doing, especially Americans.

If there are so many people, though, 6.7 billion and climbing, if there are so many lights, then how is it even possible for me to feel so alone so often?

9 March, 2009, 159 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

J’ai besoin de parler en français, mais personne veut parler avec moi.  Personne.  Et je ne peux pas parler en allemand (jetzt!).  Je ne peux plus parler en espagnol.  Mais je peux parler en français et en anglais.

Maintenant, mes amis n’écoutent pas.  Ils parlent, et ils pensent.  Je suis okay avec le fait qu’ils parlent et pensent.  J’aime écouter quelqu’un.  Mais parfois, je veux parler, et je veux pour mes amis m’écouter.  Ils devinent que je veux dire.  Ils n’ont pas raison.

6 March, 2009, 206 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I keep having to pee and I keep having to blow my nose.

Don’t get sick.

3 March, 2009, 1057 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I wish I could read faster and not lose the details.  I am a genuinely slow reader but I catch all the details.  I like to become fully immersed in books.  I don’t like to skim.  I don’t know how to skim.

The reason I wish I could read faster is that I wish I could read more.  Admittedly, I haven’t read many books in my life, especially when you look at some of my literature-loving peers.

I’m going home in a few days, but this time, it’s not as urgent as it was before.  I now realize that no matter where I am, who I am surrounded by, whatever, I am going to be surrounded by mostly idle speech, mindless chatter, carelessness.  And I’ll pretend to be that way too!  But what I really want is to relate to people.  The more I think about it, the more I want to listen to people, to mull things over and then maybe respond, maybe not.  But it seems that so many people are not willing to talk in the way that I want them to.  Or they’re just not capable of it.

There are a few people.  I’ll give them that.  And those few people are beyond capable.  They mostly live and breathe the stuff that I need, and they also have to mask their disapproval of this way of living.

Also, I realized the other day that I should more fully appreciate the people in my life because I’ve chosen them and sought them out and allowed our relationships to flourish with time and tender care.  It’s not coincidence, and I wouldn’t say that they’ve chosen me.  I’ve chosen them back.  I approve.  That’s what’s mostly important.  It’s a mutual thing with my consent.  And without my consent, it’s nothing.  Of course, without their consent, it’s also nothing.  But I like to think that I choose people who could provide some compassion.

Probably the most difficult thing for me right now is realizing that I’m an adult, legally, but that this doesn’t sever any ties to my family.  It only stresses my dependence on someone to tell me when I should get to bed and pack me a PB&J sandwich for lunch.  I miss PB&J sandwiches.

I would also like to point out that the other day, a classmate pointed out to me that Australians are laughing at Americans for Ugg-wearage.  They are the kind who wear Uggs to get the mail only; it is not a fashion statement and they would never wear them in public.  Uggs are sweat-pants, and sweat-pants are another article of clothing that Americans abuse.  I’m superficial sometimes.  That’s all.