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I am just really pissed lately. Pissed and just plain upset.
I love people but I am frustrated with their actions. And I’ve never hated someone. I don’t think I have the capacity to hate, actually. At the same time, I don’t think I’ll be able to fall in love in the sense that is so often used. It’s too constricting to love just one person, even romantically. People tell me that I am only eighteen, so I couldn’t possibly know this for certain yet, but you’d think that I know enought of myself by now to know that I can probably not fall in love. It’s more that I have the capacity to love so many people. Everyone has a different personality, has different pluses and minuses. Even two people who are subtly different are incomparable. I couldn’t choose between them.
I don’t like living here amongst consumers galore, with capitalism-loving douchebags all around me. I don’t like the concept that you live, you die, and nothing in between matters. But it’s the only thing that makes sense. I believe that I am an atheist. And I think I’m going to start reading philosophical religious literature, because while it depresses me to no end, it also interests me greatly.
Furthermore, I so often feel lately that I’m ready to die, but conversely, I need some kind of philosophical mentor to help me drudge through this time.
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