29 October, 2008, 854 pm
Filed under: Story | Tags:

Her palms were sweating, and she began grinding her fingers into the fleshiest part of her hands, digging her fingernails in, scratching.  Not like this would make the sweat go away, but it might relieve some stress.  Staring at the thick pink scar forming on her left thumb, she lowered her hands and wiped her palms roughly against her jeans, then lifted them back onto her lap and fanned out her fingers.  For a moment, she stared at her short, chubby fingers.  How could someone get stuck with such childish, unappealing hands?  It seemed unfair.  When she was younger, she had always looked up to Sailor Moon, hoping she’d gain Sailor Moon’s slender, beautiful fingers by the time she was fourteen.  The transformation simply never occurred.

So instead of just taking this blow from nature, she regularly acquired injuries on her hands.  Maybe they were initially accidents, but they would scab, and she would scratch off the scabs meticulously as they healed.  The scabs would be systematically scratched off every day until they couldn’t heal anymore, and then there would be scars instead of scabs.  Scarred ugly hands were slightly superior to unscarred ugly hands.  At least, that was her idea of culture.  That was her idea of risk-taking.

29 October, 2008, 1020 am
Filed under: My Experience with Existence | Tags: , , ,

I dislike Starbucks.  I dislike it because it pushes small, quality, family-owned coffee shops out of business by offering lower-quality, overpriced, character-less products that are rarely vegan that are convenient, that I really don’t want to buy.  To me, Starbucks always feels like an assembly line.  Some people would refer to this as a “slaughterhouse” feeling.  Any way you put it, I dislike it.  So I refuse to buy things there.

I’m a die-hard for Cherry Alley Café in Lewisburg, Pennsylvania.  Because even if I don’t live there, and even if they don’t play my sorts of music all the time whenever I do manage to get there, that’s one homelike place.  This homelike, no-pressure atmosphere makes me want to buy things there.  Plus, they’re very vegan-friendly and they sell quality products for cheap.  Oh, did I mention that you really can’t find vegan-friendly places in Lewisburg, or in most cities in Pennsylvania unless we’re talkin’ Philadelphia or Pittsburgh?

But I still like to sit in here and take advantage of Starbucks’ wireless internet while having my nose serenaded by apparently wonderful smells.

28 October, 2008, 1250 pm
Filed under: Books, My Experience with Existence | Tags: , ,

Cunt didn’t make me love my period.  Reason being:  I already loved my period.  Cunt helped me realize just why I love my period.

I love my period because it cleans out my system, it is my body’s magical way of synchin’ up with the moon, it makes me assertive/aggressive instead of my regular passive-aggressive, it shows my emotions at their clearest, it helps me resolve problems, it naturally calls for a break in all of my regular life-functions, and it gives me a valid excuse not to talk to people (because if I want to talk to you while I’m on my period, I am expressing utmost respect).  If I was on my period now, then I’m certain that I could dig up more reasons.

But more than that, I enjoy reading Cunt every chance I get.  It’s one of those books I have to read with a highlighter.  And I’m not even done with it yet.

27 October, 2008, 708 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I like how when I went to take my Government midterm exam last Wednesday, I forgot to bring a Scantron, and I was wiggin’ out.  And I asked another girl I’d never seen in my life, “Hey, did we have to bring our own Scantrons today?”  In the most snide tone, she replied in the affirmative.  Okay, so I attend every class and forget to bring a fucking Scantron, and this uberbitch who never goes to class thinks that she can sass me like a know-it-all because I forgot a fifteen-cent sheet of paper.

The good news:  My teacher had extras and generously/happily gave me one for free.  The bad news:  That girl is going down.

26 October, 2008, 1241 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

I don’t even know how long I’ve been vegan.  Is it one month?  Maybe two months?  Three, perhaps?  I think two months would be the most fair evaluation.  I liked one PostSecret I saw this morning.

Not that I am religious.  But I liked the idea of a religious person considering that perhaps we are not so superior to animals.  Upon thinking about it, that’s not what I get out of this card anymore.  The person only put a cat and a dog on the postcard.  Does this mean that only kindness to cats and dogs, typical living companions, matters?  What about animals we typically eat?

I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that you can probably love more than one person at one time.  Kind of like boko-maru.  You should spread the love evenly and not pile it on one person.  Every person accepts love differently.  But once they’ve accepted it, they want all of it.  It’s not entirely fair to give one person all of your love.  Maybe the theory behind boko-maru is why I don’t know if I will ever get married.

Cat’s Cradle made a lot of sense to me.  It brought clarity to my life.  I would say that it’s tied for My Favourite Book with No one belongs here more than you by Miranda July.  You could say that Cat’s Cradle is My Favourite Book because it is a novel, whereas No one belongs here more than you is a compilation of short stories.

Since I’m reading Cunt right now, you likely think that with all this talk of loving more than one person, I’m preparing to become a Whore.  This is not so.  I’m just preparing to spread the love in a non-sexual way.

My brain, cultured by the Western way of life, keeps telling me that I need to choose one person to love.  I don’t think I should have to do this, but my brain is figuratively leaning in one direction.

Right now, I am thinking, “I won’t let go, I won’t let go.  Even if you say so, oh no.  I’ve tried and tried with no results.  I won’t let go, I won’t let go.”  I’m like that.

I want to do boko-maru with several people, but I don’t think any would be too fond of the idea.  It’s kind of radical.


This is a mix I made for Jay called “Finally” to introduce him to some new kickass mewzik while he drove back to his school from mine.  Apparently, it’s immensely depressing.

Also, I apologize, for there are a lot of repeats here–things I’ve previously loved or posted on my blog.  I think you’ll find a few new treasures, though.  And if you’ve never read my blog before, all the better.

By the way, I’ve got a new mix headed your way super-soon, so keep lookin’.

1.  I Will Never Love You More | Soko
[buy] [mediafire]

2.  Green Rain | Shugo Tokumaru
[buy] [mediafire]

3.  Sleepyhead | Passion Pit
[buy] [mediafire]

4.  I Adore You | Melpo Mene
[buy] [mediafire]

5.  Seaside Sorrow | Lonely Boy
[buy] [mediafire]

6.  Sunrise | Caroline
[buy] [mediafire]

7.  Plasticities | Andrew Bird
[buy] [mediafire]

8.  Postcards From Italy | Beirut
[buy] [mediafire]

9.  The Funeral | Band of Horses
[buy] [mediafire]

10.  He War | Cat Power
[buy] [mediafire]

11.  Fools | The Dodos
[buy] [mediafire]

12.  Holes | Melpo Mene
[buy] [mediafire]

13.  Acid Tongue | Jenny Lewis
[buy] [mediafire]

14.  (This Is) The Dream of Evan and Chan | Dntel
[buy] [mediafire]

15.  Return to Goleta Drive-In | The Northern Two
[buy] [mediafire]

25 October, 2008, 121 am
Filed under: My Experience with Existence

1.  I used to think I had a crush on you, but I’m glad I managed to convince myself that platonic is the way to go, especially after I realized that you’re one of the few people in the whole world who does not consider having a relationship with every close friend.

2.  I’m a hypocrite in that I can’t hand myself over to you because of your one relationship with her.  Everything is empty now, and I want this to end, the emptiness or everything, but I don’t know how.

3.  I wish you had kissed me because you are arguably the most important person in my life because you see me for what I am and still somehow trust me.  The pointed compliments you occasionally make probably mean too much to me.

4.  I hate it when you take note of what I eat and criticize other people, because I know that you semi-secretly think I’m fat and ugly.  This causes me to view you as an exceptionally unbeautiful person.

5.  Since you keep yourself so guarded and uncatty and chill, I trust you a whole lot, which is likely unsafe.  But I’m still interested in collecting fragments of information about you as you reveal them.

6.  I like who you’re becoming.  A year ago, I never would’ve imagined you’d end up like this.  But now I take pride in you.

7.  I’m slightly upset/slightly pleased that you only see merit in my tits.

8.  I sincerely regret never holding more than one or two brief, nervous conversations with you last year, because I firmly believe that you would have understood me profoundly.  I was just too shy and found you to be an impressive human being.

9.  You’re positively radiant, brilliant, and good-natured and I think the absolute only excuse anyone could have for passing you up is that you initially come across as intense.  But I find your directness to be perhaps your most comforting aspect.

10.  Did you even really like me?  Because I cannot for the life of me remember why I liked you.  Tenth grade fantasy come true?  I don’t know.

11.  When you’re quietly asleep and I’m well-rested, I just want to take care of you.  When you’re snoring and I’m not well-rested, I just seriously want to suffocate you.

12.  I’m excited for your budding romance.  I just hope it goes somewhere, because you both deserve it.  You’re both such Jews with money.  I will regret writing this in two minutes.  I love you guys.

13. I may have always been the dumb conformist when we were kids, but it looks like the roles have reversed, besides the fact that you’re still probably the smart one.  I resent that part.

14.  I used to think you were such a role model when I was in high school, but hearing that turned my world upside down briefly.  And now that I think about it, you were just a sad, lost little girl with bad taste in music.  That’s what I looked up to.  Somehow, though, I still respect you immensely.

15.  I wonder what ever happened to you.

24 October, 2008, 1231 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I dislike it when people scold me if I happen to talk about celebrity gossip, which is a RARE RARE RARITY.

I do not talk about celebrities because I am at all interested in their fame or their money.  I am only ever interested in them (always only slightly) because they are people first and foremost.  And are we not social creatures?  I am not trying to point out that they are human and flawed.  I am not trying to point out that they are just like anyone else.  I am not trying to point out some bullshit defense or attack on them.  All I am trying to point out is that they are interesting universal case studies.  If we talked about the affairs of our peers, there would be a great deal of anonymity in the whole thing.

For example, I cannot describe to you the guy I see on the bus every Wednesday and Friday without leaving any gaps.  I could give you a picture of him, but you still wouldn’t get it from my perspective.  So I describe that he has light brown hair that was probably blond when he was little, paired with quite pale skin.  And he is extremelytall and thin.  He has at least one lip piercing and glasses and bright eyes.  From this description, you find him unpleasant, and you want to know about his personality.  And I tell you that he’s quiet on the bus.  And then you want to know how he walks.  Well, he slouches.  And I find that dandy.  You think it’s not so dandy.  Do you see where this is going?  He lets me on the bus before him with a hand gesture.  Now you might begin to see my perspective, but you’ll never fully understand.

With a celebrity, there are few gaps in the perception of your average person.

I’m just saying, is all.

18 October, 2008, 928 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I have dubbed today as Photography Day.  Today, I will carry my camera around and take photographs as I see fit.

I always feel awkwardly vain taking photographs, though, even when they’re not of me.

16 October, 2008, 1248 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Tomorrow or later today, I guess, I take my first train ride.  And it a journey by myself.  I’m so fucking nervous.

But I’m also really excited.


Love Beirut.

Beirut | Scenic World
[mf] [dl] [buy]

Beirut | Mount Wroclai (Idle Days)
[mf] [dl] [buy]

Love JLew even if she sometimes disappoints.

Jenny Lewis | Sing a Song For Them
[mf] [dl] [buy]

Jenny Lewis | Godspeed
[mf] [dl] [buy]

Love Minus the Bear.

Minus the Bear | Houston, We Have Uh-Oh
[mf] [dl] [buy]


A friend wants to go vegetarian.  I have advised her not to go by PETA’s terms, but I’m not sure that she understands the gravity of the situation, and how labeled she will ultimately be if she does choose that path with her animal rights journey.

Here’s my thing.  I watched Earthlings with her yesterday, narrated by Joaquin Phoenix, yeah yeah.  Many of the video clips in the film were reminders of just why I chose to go vegetarian in the first place.  And now that I look back at them, I wonder why I didn’t just go vegan from the start.  A lot of the clips were new, especially those pertaining to the dairy industry.  But I wonder how someone can watch all that, listening to Joaquin’s eerie voice, and seriously not immediately think, “I need to go vegan.”  I mean, vegetarianism is a serious jump for some.  But Earthlings covers everything involving animal use, from Pets to Food, Clothing, Entertainment, and Research.  There’s no room for argument.  Once you’ve seen it, you have virtually no excuse in the whole world.  Pescetarians have no good reason as to why they eat fish.  You have no backing behind your leather belts.  And “kosher?”  Come on, America is capitalist.  Capitalism treats animals as resources, as things.  And do you really expect capitalists to regard things with any respect, even relating to any religion (ya, even Christianity)?

So I’m saying watch it at your own risk for enlightenment, but watch it anyway.  And some of you (Travis) will disagree with me.  Some of you will think I’m being an extreme terrorist, but when coupled with the narrative, I think this provides essential information.  And I’m not really one for handing out extremely graphic animal rights videos.  But when you hear those screams, when you picture all the organs as though they’re hanging from your dying best friend or beloved cat just like they did from that “kosher” cow, you have to pay attention.  When you consider the agony of the dolphins being separated from their kin and see the schoolchildren walking by unperturbed as these dolphins are slaughtered, you’ve got to wonder what’s wrong with us.  We don’t want to know what goes into our food, our foolish whims, but for the record, we’re already desensitized anyway.

Oh, and also, you can’t help but wonder what kind of a life your cat led before you.  And I guess you’ll never know, either.  You’d just like to imagine it was good, or that you saved her.

For the record, I’ve known and loved Babygrrl since she was born.  For the record, the cats I live with at home are spayed.


Fuck going green when there are far more important immediate crises.  Example:  Conditions in third-world countries.  Example:  Homelessness.  Example:  The conditions of animals living on factory farms or in puppy mills.  Global warming will have extreme effects years from now.  These things are already having extreme effects right now.

Also, if you’re going to go green, if it matters that much to you, then go vegan or even vegetarian and encourage your self-proclaimed green friends to do the same.  Not only will you kind of “save” some animals (I don’t like to refer to it in that manner because it’s not like Superman’s coming to the rescue…you’re just lowering the demand or maybe even just not contributing), but you’ll also “save” the environment (ditto).

Oh, but if you take my advice, don’t do it on PETA’s terms, please.