INDIEchouette


HERE’S WHERE I HAD AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN
3 September, 2008, 344 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

At the bus stop when I heard this girl speaking fluent French on her cell phone to another apparently fluent person.  Here’s how many other people I know who would be willing to have a French conversation with me on the phone because they speak some French:  Two (yes you, Divya, plus Erika).  Here’s the percentage regarding how many of us are fluent:  Zero.  I am so damn hungry for fluency.  I’m ravenous.  I’m a savage cannibal.  rrrrrrrrrrr.  That’s why I’m at college!  I need to take classes and become immersed in the language.  And I’m not doing what I need to because of scheduling conflicts.  How fucked up is that?

I just thought that there was a way for me to inch closer to fluency over the summer, and I’m not nearly there now.  And additionally, I feel that there are a lot of people who are more qualified than I am to become French majors.  I’m only going to be in 201 next semester (because, of course, they were all taken this semester and I am forced to wait)!  I’ve only taken three years of French and I feel like I should have taken seven.  Yeah, I skipped one year.  Big deal.  There are people who catch on after one year of basic high school French effortlessly, and I worked my ass off all three years.  I have no accent–first-years can have accents.  And I’m embarrassed to spout off French when people ask me to.  I had the opportunity to call someone a bastard the other day, but I didn’t because I was on the bus and I was afraid that other people would critique my shitty American accent.  I have zero confidence regarding my French speaking skills, but I am a strong writer in French, as well as a strong reader.  So this girl, yeah, I love French and I am jealous of her.  I’m fucking jealous of someone for being able to speak a language.

Oh, yeah.  And if you think knowing French gets you laid, it totally doesn’t.

I feel as though I should be an instant success story.  I’ve fallen in love with some French music, and I feel that if I listen to it frequently, I should be able to pick up the whole language.  Well, I know that’s not how it works.  I know that I’d have to listen to RFI too.  And do you know how hard it is to find French indie pop/rock?  Fucking impossible!  So I have to rely on Yelle, Serge Gainsbourg, Carla Bruni, Jane Birkin, France Gall, Françoise Hardy, Brigitte Bardot, The Arcade Fire, and Charlotte Gainsbourg.  Not complaining about them, but I want like…I don’t know.  The Arcade Fire in complete French instead of partial French.

I guess I’ve been questioning my worthiness, not my ability or motivation or anything like that.  I know that I want to be a French major, and that I am in love with the language and the culture of France and French-speaking regions.  I just feel so distant from it, and it feels unrealistic.  I’m afraid I’m declining and deteriorating as a French wannabe.  And I’m not authentic.  I think that’s what bugs me the most.  I wish I could just be French and leave it at that.


4 Comments so far
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Music definitely helps learning a language. That’s how I learned English [I’m French] and evolved faster than any other student in my class back in the day.

Stick with it and it’ll work out ok. As for French indie pop/rock, it’s tough because French bands want to make it internationally so they choose to write in English but you should try La Grande Sophie or Arkol, they’re pretty good.

Comment by //mel.

“I am so damn hungry for fluency. I’m ravenous. I’m a savage cannibal. rrrrrrrrrrr.” <–this might just be the core of why i love you. not only do you just GET exactly what i’m thinking, you say it in the funniest way. ever.

and lol i actually did go “meeeeee?” when you said people who would speak french with you…you know me so well. hahaha.

Comment by divya

hey im fluent! that makes your percentage less than zero, yay!

Comment by bonjour ma petite amie!

I also speak french, and have a “kind of accent” but thats only becuase I lived in a french-speaking country. My grammer is also horrible because I was a little kid when I learned french; I say learned but I really was forced into paying attention to people’s conversations becuase this girl in my pre-school, Justine, would pinch me everyday because I only spoke english. Just being completely immersed in a language does wonders in regards to learning; my friend’s brother speaks perfect conversational spanish just from living in Panama for a couple of years. And then in first grade this girl named Line (pronouned Leene) used to randomly ask me the gender of objects which I would always fuck up and it was rather embaressing.

So what im trying to say is, you’ve got the grammer and the rest will come so no worries. Plus, you’ve got the passion to acquire another tongue which is way more important anyway!

Comment by rva




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