18 May, 2008, 1109 pm
Filed under: My Experience with Existence

I have lost most of my faith in humankind this weekend and I just need someone stronger than me, emotionally and physically, to hold me and let me lay my head on their chest and cry like an injured toddler being held by a parent, and to tell me it’s okay and that there is still good out there. I need protection.

And I’m fine, or so I say, but god, that would feel so good right now.


13 Comments so far
Leave a comment

It’s been a while since I’ve felt that way. And I’m lucky for that. But to tell you the truth, if I did feel that way, I don’t know whose shoulder I could cry on. I mean, I have really good friends, but we’re becoming different from each other. We still get along and I still love them, but things are slowly changing.

Years ago, that person would have been Kyle. I often cried to him for no good reason at all, and he never pried to try to get me to tell him what was wrong. He always did get it out of me, but in subtle ways. I never even noticed it was happening until I had said it.

The first few months after he left for school, I will admit that I was a bit of a wreck. I would get upset and people would try to help but I knew they wouldn’t be as good as he was so I just pushed them away. Now, I barely ever get falling-down-into-tears upset. I do get upset, but it never turns into that.

There’s a part of me that thinks I never let it go that far because the one person that could help me isn’t around anymore.

Comment by Sara


Comment by Sara

I’m so sorry dear. I hate it when life gets that rough.
My heart goes out to you. And so does my shoulder so that you can cry on it.
If you ever need an “older” person’s advice, you can get my number off of facebook. I’m a big sis, so I have a lot of sisterly love/support/wisdom to give. =)

Comment by Rachael

I second that motion. If you’re as articulate in your zine as you are in your blog, it should be great.

Comment by asdfjkl;

Sara, I will begin to carry copies around with me every day so I can give you an official hard copy.

Rachael, merci merci merci beaucoup!

asdfjkl;, I should post a PDF file.

Comment by indiechouette

You should, cause then I can see it as well! :]

Comment by swaziprincess

what the hell happened? it’s too late to call you now, and my contacts are failing me so IMing you wouldn’t work out as well as i would like, so i’m calling you tomorrow. bear hugs forever.

Comment by divya

i noticed you’re listening to muse.
check out shine, map of your head, and falling away with you. also, there cover of the smith’s please please please let me get what i want is good, as well as hysteria, butterflies and hurricanes, stockholm syndrome, and their cover of nina simone’s feelin good. also, if you get the chance, see them live as they are technical masters and matthew bellamy’s voice is absolutely stunning live.

Comment by lilly

i meant their

Comment by lilly

also, i don’t know if you’ve heard the song “whatever” by elliot smith but it’s so beautiful and comforting and hands down my favorite song by him.

Comment by lilly

Lilly, I love you for your recommendations, and I will take you up on them. Musically and fashionably, you’ve got it. I shall look these songs up now. And also, the next time I go to Target, which is early in June because there is not a Target near me, I will hunt for that bag. I mean, even if I have to hop around to every Target in the tri-state area.

Comment by indiechouette

You and I need to get together (for real–not just in passing at Weis and Rue 21) before our road trip!

Comment by wellwell

i recommend the bar scene from the wedding scene to console you, though by this time, you probz is colsol’d

Comment by r to the izzob

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: