2 September, 2007, 1102 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I cannot believe that I once used to wake up early every day to blow dry and flat-iron my short, edgy hair and make my eyelashes look voluminous and long and black even though they already are voluminous and long and black. Here’s the interesting thing. In letting my hair grow long and wavy again while wearing it down all the time, in giving up makeup for the most part, in spending more time outside, in accepting that I look funny on camera, in owning up to being awfully good at things like French, I like myself a whole lot better than I ever did. Self-love is a strange thing that can be modest and not narcissistic, and I can’t explain it. It lets other people like you, too. In fact, whether you realize it or not, it’s an annoying thing to do to yourself when you keep picking out the bad things about yourself, and it’s annoying to everyone else. I like that I already have at least three solid friends who I can talk to, and two more who I can talk to any time about anything in the world. The latter is especially phenomenal for me, because you know how afraid I am of commitment or social interaction. I like trust and being able to talk and listen and empathize without it being in the form of music or literature, but a real being.

I feel like this is the feeling I’ll need to maintain in order to grow up, but I don’t want to grow up yet, and I don’t want to go to college quite yet, because my friends won’t be there. I always wonder why there aren’t people like my friends who are my own age, and I guess there are, but they’re busy hanging out with people like me who are older.

peach tea

I also had my first Arizona Peach Tea last night in front of Citgo and it was fabulous.


6 Comments so far
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i’ve been considering cutting my hair really short. like somewhere between shoulder and chin while it’s straight. so it would be like an afro when it’s not straight. ehhh.
i need to learn that whole self love thing.
mmm peach tea. that sounds really good…

Comment by divya

I love you whether you love yourself or not. Haha. And when I had my hair that short, I straightened it a lot because some things just look better that way. I hope the straightener is working well for you, anyhow. Haha.

Comment by leindiemeister

haha thanks, and i love you too. YES the straightener is amazing but for some reason i’m feeling really boring. like the more i try not to assimilate myself with certain groups of people here, the more i am becoming like them in style and in taste. which is why today i bought a libertine-for-target brightish navy blue trench coat with white embroidery and buttons, because it’s not a quiet piece. it’s like magenta converse (which i’m waiting for zappos to get in my size right now). and i feel just so boring that i want to hack off a lot of my hair or dye it some crazy unnatural color. no piercings/tattoos/drugs/alcohol for divya, but within the mold of what i WOULD do, i’m really wanting to experiment. expect me to have an orange mohawk or something tomorrow. not really. but i want to do something big but still me. any ideas?

Comment by divya

did i tell you my bus got changed? yep. it’s a little catastrophic. i don’t even know why.

okay i’m going to actually write in my wordpress now. i think.

Comment by divya

Oh dear. I straightened my hair almost daily for two years, and periodically had to get all the split ends hacked off. It definitely had to do with some insecurities that I had/have…I’ve been laying off a bit lately, but I still love the look of straight, choppy hair.
Self-love is the way to go, and maybe a hard thing to learn, but being comfortable with yourself is one of the most valuable things you can ever learn, I think.
“I always wonder why there aren’t people like my friends who are my own age, and I guess there are, but they’re busy hanging out with people like me who are older.”
That made me laugh. I remember being younger and feeling like the fact that I hung out with “older kids” defined me. Now age seems to matter a whole lot less. Some of my best friends are a few years younger, and I feel like I’m being to them what all of my older friends were to me.
Sincerely, your lurker ;)

Comment by Kate

I’m thinking Sailor Mercury. Bahahaha. JUST KIDDING. I don’t have any ideas, but when you get some, I’ll be excited to see the result.

I feel completely honoured that I have an official lurker! I do like straight choppy hair, too, especially I guess in a ponytail or with some volume and layers, but I guess for me, that look works best at the beach with hairspray and hair freshly washed and textured by the ocean air. I liked doing it before I went to the beach. When I came home from the beach, though, it wasn’t quite the same. Maybe I just expected it to be easier. Anyway, it really hit me what you said about older friends, and I appreciate that. It’s like I’m training them to be nice to younger kids! Maybe come college, I’ll find older friends, too, because some of their older friends will have already graduated. Or maybe I will once I get out of college. I guess you made me realize that age is less significant. Even though some of my friends haven’t hit puberty (exaggeration) or their voices haven’t quite changed yet (not exaggeration), it wasn’t long ago that I was in an equivalent position for a female. On technical terms, I’m not that much older than them. It’s not apparent yet, but it will be when I’m like…25. Or 45. To think that present-day 7-year-olds may someday become some of my best friends!

Comment by leindiemeister

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