16 May, 2007, 804 pm
Filed under: My Experience with Existence

Yesterday, I posted a bit of a rant at administrators at the end and how they’re fucked up and they don’t know kids one bit.  Well, just a few minutes ago, I was tramping down the corridor on my way to the band room, iPod in hand when an administrator gave me the once-over and told me I needed to put my iPod away.  For some reason, this sent a shot of rage through my body, and I felt like a Charizard.  I said, “Why?  It’s not hurting anyone!  FUCK YOU for racial profiling!” and stormed down the hall.  She was appalled, so she ran after me, grabbed my arm harshly, leaving a bruise, and got on that fucking walkie-talkie that all admins in our school carry.  So now I’m in detention, and I’m supposed to be writing “FUCK YOU” on a piece of paper over and over again until the end of the day, but the teacher’s out of the room.  Fuck her.


Not really.  Scratch everything from that last paragraph after the word “Charizard.”  I really just said, “Okayyyy,” and kept walking, ignored her fucking irrational request…what the hell?  I did feel like I was racially profiled, though.  Okay, not really–we’re both white.  And her request wasn’t irrational, but it’s kind of like the time Derek, Erika, Paige, Gil, Steph/ven, John, Corey, and I were kicked out of the mall for breathing in arrogant air.  Most authoritative figures at my school and in this area are discriminatory against people who don’t blend in with the local scene, and I resent that.  They live and breathe enforcing the rules as far as individuals go, but they let everyone who’s “normal” do whateverthefuck they want.  It’s like them saying, “Fuck you for being different.  Fuck you for using your own head and having your own identity.  You’re American.  Now blend in!”  Dude, I have no bad grades and I’ve never cheated on anything before, never had alcohol, never smoked.  No one has the right to hold any prejudices about me.  I’m sure they don’t do anything like that in Canada.  I’ve never heard a Canadian complaining about conformity in their home country.  Or a European.  Only Asians (thanks to their parents, mainly) and Americans (because of what society tells us).

I wish I’d said what I pretended I said, though.  I said it in my head.  How is putting my iPod in my pocket going to make me a successful person?  Because I mean, when I grow up, I’d kind of like to work for one of those music magazines (like Blender), even if I’m nowhere near that point today.  Are they concerned that someone’s going to be tempted to steal my iPod from my hand?  I’d be more concerned that someone would steal it from my backpack or my pocket, or that it would fall out.  Did my iPod hurt someone accidentally?  I mean, I wasn’t swinging the headphones above my head like a barbarian like I normally do.  Maybe that administrator was offended by it…?  Perhaps in the event of a fire drill or a real fire or a tornado drill or a sniper in the school, if I was blasting “Chicago” by Sufjan Stevens, I wouldn’t be able to hear it.  So she was trying to save my life.

It’s a school rule not to have iPods or cell phones on during the school day, but it totally doesn’t make sense.  Cell phones, yes–I’m a sixteen-year-old rising senior without a cell phone, and I know all the rising frosh have ’em, and they text and crap.  iPods, no.  Is it so we don’t make other kids jealous that our parents could afford a $150 iPod nano as our only birthday present from them when we turned 16?  Because I mean, I know tons of girls who have iPod videos that they can’t even fill a quarter of the way (I’d kill for one, and I’d fill it up all the way if I had one), and they have these fucking expensive Vera Bradley bags to carry their books in, and my parents have trouble scrounging up the money to buy me a new backpack from Wal-Mart, mainly because it’s a cut of the grocery money.

We’re not poor at all.  We’re just not as well-off as anyone else around us, and living here takes a toll on even the richest of people.

I’m so DONE with this school.  SO done.  I need summer and days off and getting up at nine and being out and about by ten and wearing shorts and Chucks and being tan and having longer hair.  I’ve decided that I might try and get some colour to my skin this year, and that I’m growing my hair out.  I’m going to get a job, and I’ll make money, and I’ll go to Carytown every weekend and spend my earnings at Plan 9 and Need Supply Co. and Smoothie King and dinners at Chipotle.


I can’t wait.


3 Comments so far
Leave a comment

good luck with all that!

Comment by adam

I’ve read a couple of entries in your blog, and I have to say I’m liking it so far.
But I was quite disturbed to read this one. In your opinion no one is allowed to have any prejudice towards you, because you’ve never been drunk or smoking. As I see it, you seem to think you’re better than people your age who drink and smoke. I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to abstain from alcohol or cigarettes, but please, don’t be this smug.

Comment by Ellie

I don’t necessarily take pride in the fact that I’ve never had alcohol, never smoked, because at my age, a good deal of my family most certainly had done both.

No adult*, no administrator* has the right to presuppose that I’m a “bad” kid involved in illegal stuff just because I don’t look or act like everyone else at this school (which I soon won’t be attending anymore). Everyone else, go for it! Because other teenagers can, for the most part, tell that I’m a complete pussy as far as drinking and smoking goes–there’s just something that shifts when you go from being on the pedestal of an adult to being lowered to eye level with another teenager. Just adults like to assume things about teenagers, because they did it too. Or because their friends did it. Or because they know the type. But they’re past it now, and they won’t give you an easy time, because they want to save/punish you for it so you don’t end up like them.

And don’t get me wrong–I’ve strongly considered it from time to time. But as far as cigarettes go, you can never get the smell out and some companies test on animals and use rat poison in their products, and I’m not into that. As for drugs, my dad’s given me the A-OK, but I don’t really have the motivation. I’m not a party-goer. I’m the sit-at-home type. Alcohol, it’s available, probably the easiest to obtain, especially when I move, but again, I have no motivation to drink. I’m a bit of a pansy, too, I don’t know how I’d act under the influence. I crave that control.

I don’t look down on kids who do drink or smoke. Kids who drink and smoke have lives, they have friends, they go to parties. And I’m shy, and this is my outlet. Hell, if I really despised those kids that much, I wouldn’t listen to Bright Eyes because he’s always singing about alcohol. Jenny Lewis gets drunk sometimes and then sings about it. And I idolize her.

I appreciate you telling me off, actually. It lets me clarify. And I appreciate that you weren’t a total bitch about it (and that you spelled everything right in your comment). Sorry if this comment back was a bit long…

Comment by leindiemeister

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