2 April, 2007, 536 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The more I strip my room of posters, photographs, clothes, and childhood memorablilia, the more naked I feel. Conor Oberst, Jenny Lewis, Tilly and the Wall, and Lemony Snicket are all deceased, and it’s making existence tough. I’m borrowing some good Christian preppy girl’s room, and as much as I appreciate her generosity and her cleanliness and the colour of the walls, which happens to be the same colour my walls used to be, I want my own living quarters.

I’m still divided, though. I want to stay here because I finally have a reason to stay. I imagine it’s equally impossible to tear away from a best friend as it is to tear away from a copain. At the same time, though, the traveller in me wants to go, right now. I can’t look back, despite occasional kisses on the neck and Red Light and tickles on my feet and a quirky height difference that I loved so much. I want the pain to hit me like a train wreck and go like an ambulance. All I’m asking for is answers–where will I move, what’s my room going to be like, what school will I go to, what will the people be like? Will I turn out like Joshua? I’ve just realized, though, that beginning at a new school for my senior year will be hell. And it just gave me a shot of anxious adrenaline straight to the pit of my stomach and to my throat, and it’s got me a little paralyzed. I’ll have to make new friends, find my classes, meet new teachers, and get used to a new style of teaching. Band will suck, but it might help me make friends. I need someone to hold my hand like I’m a shy toddler, someone to guide me and love me until I’m ready to walk on my own.

Speaking of travel, Derek found my permit yesterday! So my mother won’t be angry about me losing my permit anymore. I’ll be able to drive before we go-go.


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