30 April, 2007, 1003 pm
Filed under: Music

Am I alive?  Is this real?  Is it really April 30th?  Is it possible for a group of seven to ten people to be this ground-breaking, mystical…gloomy yet cheerful…so sorrowful it brings tears of absolute, undeniable joy to the eyes?

The Arcade Fire still hasn’t sunk in. I love both their albums so much that when I listen to them sometimes, I’m caught off-guard with tears in my eyes, especially at “Neighbourhood #1.” There really is no way to accurately describe them. They’re human, yes, and Blender’s May 2007 article on them explained that to me. If anything, it made me love them more. Not as individuals, because I don’t KNOW them, but instead as a group of people. Let’s put it this way–I love their music, I love their ideas and their symbolism and their intellects. They honestly don’t perform for me or for cheers or money or groupies. They do it all for the music. I mean, Jonah Weiner asked Win Butler if he liked playing for other people when he started, and his response was this:

“Not so much. I didn’t not like it, but you hear musicians say, ‘The first time I heard people clap, that’s when I knew what I wanted to do.’ I never had that experience, where feedback from the audience was the really exciting thing.”

Seriously. I love the Arcade Fire, or rather, I love their music. And I’m seeing them with Derek in DC on Friday night. My first real show. What do I wear?! This is all so amazing and I wish I could write more, about the excitement, not only at seeing them, but also about seeing them with Derek. In DC. Holy crap.

27 April, 2007, 618 pm
Filed under: School

Just now, I was blog lurking, and I found someone had written something about Deep Run being the “gayest school out there.” It kind of pissed me off. Yes, we’ve got our stereotypes and most of them are true, and there’s lots of discrimination and cattiness. But if you’re too much of a pussy to try it out and see what Deep Run is really all about…if you don’t even go here, you really have no place to say things like that. If you attend Deep Run, though, treat it as an unrestrained privilege to be able to say whatever the hell you want about it.

I’ll probably delete this post later on…

EDIT::  Who ever said that being a really gay school was an insult?  I guess I should have thought about that when I made this post.

DAY 6084
27 April, 2007, 604 pm
Filed under: My Experience with Existence, School

In the smallest pouch of my backpack is an unsealed envelope with exactly nine pieces of notebook paper folded into thirds snuggled neatly inside.  The top page is the largest, with the freshest ink and purest emotion.  The next five pages are slightly smaller, with messier handwriting, the oldest ink, and mostly updates.  The last three pages are even smaller pieces of paper ripped straight from an English notebook, with blue ink and pencil smoothed over them in desparation.  I wish I could just send the first page and be done with the whole package.  I could send more updates at a later point, after the initial message was sent.  But I’ve written for two months, and still the envelope remains unsealed, unaddressed, and unstamped.  My opinions on the matter have remained under my skin, in the depths of my brain until recently, and their bubbling to the surface is what triggered me to record them on a single sheet of paper, to find an envelope, and to search high and low for a stamp and for that address I received so long ago.

For the most part, I’ve had an excellent day for the past three days.  I’ve been able to complete my homework because I haven’t been on the computer, and I’ve been able to straighten my hair and get dressed at a more decent rate and get more sleep because I’ve taken showers at night and set my bedtime for ten.  I’ve raised my grades, too, by getting extra credit done, and this makes me an allaround happy person.  This morning, I was kind of in a crunch, so I didn’t get to wear the pants I wanted and I didn’t have a lunch, plus I left my pod at home, which always makes for a bad day since it’s one of my many security items, but I found two dollars in my pocket because I wore the wrong pants, and two dollers is just enough to buy me a healhty veggie sub, provided that they have them (they probably won’t because they never do on Fridays).

That leads me to something that’s been bugging me all year–vegetarian food in the cafeteria.  There is virtually none.  There is DEFINITELY no vegan food, by the way (save for fruit cups), so I won’t even go there.  Yes, there are veggie subs at our Subway stand…but by Thursday, they run out of tomatos, so the veggie subs are just cheese and lettuce on bread, and by C lunch on Friday, there are none.  They’re not worth the two dollars you have to pay for them–in a real bargain world, I’d pay fifty cents or a dollar tops for those pieces of crap.  The only reason I buy them is because they have oil and vinegar at the condiment stand, and I LOVE vinegar.  Yes, there’s cheese pizza…but they run out of that like crazy, and it’s not remotely vegan.  Plus, it’s oilier than a sixth grade gamer’s face (it drips) and it’s just unhealthy, period.  Yes, there are salads (with cheese!)…but should the school system really expect all the little vegetarians to eat salad every fucking day of our lives?  Vegetarians are supposed to “like” salad, but we shouldn’t have to rely on that every day–plus, occasionally, the school salads have bacon bits in them.  Yes, there are fruit cups, but same thing–I love fruit, and I’d love to eat it all the time, but sometimes, I need cold, hard CARBS for energy.  Don’t even get me started on the french fries or on the vending machines.  I’m like sixty percent sure that they cook the already fatty fries in animal fat, and this week, I realized that chicken with fries essentially makes fries soaked in meat, so I refuse to eat the ones friends offer me anymore, even if they come straight from a cup.  I love potatos, though.  Vending machines offer the “Baked” variety of chips, but at least for the Cheetos (fiery kind), there’s a huge possibility that they use carmine to get the distinct red colour.  Plus, they sell tons of sugary snacks in the vending machines and I’m sorry, but I don’t want to make myself obese because I didn’t have a lunch one day.

I would bring it up to the school system, but it doesn’t matter anymore because I’m leaving.  In Lewisburg, I doubt they have a mondo Pizza Hut/Subway/Squeeze/Taco Place cafeteria where I’ll find slim pickings.  I bet it’ll be just like any other lunch line in the country, and I’ll bet I’ll find a way to bring my lunch every day.  Buying lunch sometimes kind of pisses me off.

25 April, 2007, 923 pm
Filed under: My Experience with Existence, School

This will be another “nothing” post.

Something clicked in me this morning after I posted my first entry du jour that allowed me to have an amazing day. First, I received back a Math Analysis quiz on which I’d earned a perfect score, so I really am showing improvement because I’m motivated. Then, I got to eat lunch with my beloved D-Slice, and although we were a somewhat silent crew today, it was still more than enjoyable. Luckily, Chandana is not like everyone else and doesn’t ridicule two people who care about each other being together in a state of union which is informally known as being a “couple.” She and I normally giggle back and forth at lunch, but I sensed that she enjoyed herself immensely today. Soon after lunch, I received my first stellar report card in a long time.

At home, I kept to my plan, replacing the bike ride with a half hour of exercise and a shower. It felt good to wash my face. When I settled down to read “The Things They Carried” my smooth legs felt comfortable against each other. After reading almost 40 pages, I picked up where I’d left off on Chemistry extra credit and finished. All this time, I’ve had the windows open, and the breeze feels good in my untouched nest of hair and on my clean legs and arms. Today was all about rejuvenation, and I was alarmed but satisfied that I’d changed a bad start into an amazing day, even if I never got to see Derek after lunch. It picked up my self esteem a good deal and made me happy to be me just for the hell of it, not because of assets–two somethings I’ve needed since last summer.

25 April, 2007, 209 pm
Filed under: Music, My Experience with Existence, School

I have no Cs on my third Marking Period report card. Two Bs, four As…Nothing below an A in French all year. I’m so not grounded. I’m so hanging out with Derek today, I’m so going to The Arcade Fire, I’m so having a good day. Until I get to English. Wow, though.

25 April, 2007, 1017 am
Filed under: Music, My Experience with Existence, School

At lunch today, I won’t eat the fries that my lunch pals generously offer me daily.  When I get home from school today, I’m going to have a glass of water or maybe two and head up to my room instead of eating the entire contents of the kitchen.  Instead of getting on MySpace directly, I’m going to slip into shorts and take a nice bike ride around the neighbourhood.  That will make me thirsty and I’ll have another few glasses of water and take a shower.  I’ll then do homework and read some cool literature.  If my mother permits, I’ll visit Derek, and after our rendez-vous, I will go to bed early and happy.  I’ll wake up early and happy, too.  I know that I have to write this on my blog because once I’ve made a promise outside of my mind, I have to fulfill it.  I did it with the Day of Silence (which I was actually considering not doing because of discrimination–but then I realized that A, I’d already promised and B, what’s the point in going through with a day to defeat discrimination if you don’t face some yourself?).  Now I’m going to do it with a challenge to myself to become healthier.  After being refreshed by all the positivity of yesterday’s post links, I realized I should do something for myself.  Instead of living up to everyone else’s expectations and continuing Facebook poke wars and replying to MySpace messages and comments and IMs, I’m going to do something I want to do that will raise my self esteem for at least until strained muscles calm down.

Although I woke up at 637 am instead of 530 am because I set my alarm clock for 530 pm intstead of am, which made me have to wash my hair, style it, me maquille, get dressed, and put on shoes in attempts to be ready for band practice in about 15 minutes’ time, I’ve realized that one mistake last night (setting my alarm clock wrong) doesn’t mean I have to let this whole day rot and let said mistake be my excuse for being unhappy.  Today’s sunny out and new and fresh and it’s 1017 am, and I’m going to have an awesome day.  I’m listening to “Cha Cha Cha” by The Little Ones.  There’s nothing to be unhappy about when I’m seriously listening to that song.

24 April, 2007, 954 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

You should probably read this, and then go here. I know it’s all awfully random, but the first reminded me of the second, and I figured everyone in this world could use a look at both. That includes you.