8 February, 2007, 800 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Oh, boy, what would I give for a nice show day, five inches, or even three, with sleet, so that no one could go to school safely!  I want to build a snowman.  I want to have to look ridiculous and red when I go outside, and I want my hair to get icicles in it.  I want to throw pathetic snowballs and see the world whiz by while sledding down the hill, only to have to laboriously trek up again.  It’s all giggles.

And what would I give, too, for a hug at 11 at night.  I promise I’m not crying, although my throat is tightening up, and I promise that I didn’t cry today.  I promise not out of disrespect (if I really was crying, I probably wouldn’t write it, but then again, I wouldn’t be writing any of this if that was the case), but in honesty so that nobody gets too concerned.  Not that anyone would be particularly concerned.

I can’t tell if this is out of longing for a snow day, missing Louie, being totally stressed, or just wanting affectionate human contact other than, I guess, from my mother.  I used to be able to go days, months, even years without it, but now I’m so…needy.  I’m dependent, and it’s awful, but it’s amazing.  A few tears did pour down my face.  I’m such a bad liar.

By the way, in “Miss Misery,” Andy Greenwald wrote that anything honest you write online will come off as over-the-top.  Well.  He’s right.   I finished that book today and almost shat my pants, it was so good.  Just, Amy, longing, and the last paragraph thing (clever, Mr. G, very clever!  I recognized it and read it 5 times over…), it’s so sweet.  I had to listen to Stars right when I finished.  It’s that kind of book.  It was “Elevator Love Letter.”  I loved every page.

Uh.  But our English homework the other day was to read Emerson.  And I did it (for once).  I feel like Emerson is my homeboy, though.  It’s like he was two and a half centuries before me, saying exactly what I think, only in more old-fashioned terms.  There was one quote, though, from “Self-Reliance,” that really hit me, and it stuck on my mind all day.  “We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents.”  I dunno.  It spoke.  That whole particular piece spoke.  It’s just, that part, I perceived it as we each represent something different, maybe a different ideal or maybe just idea.  And a lot of us suppress that because of fear.  We shouldn’t try to be like anyone else ’cause they have their talents and insecurities, too.  My teacher said that it didn’t have so much to do with clothes and hairstyles, et cetera, as it did mind and heart…but I’d like to think it does, actually.  At least a little bit.


5 Comments so far
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te amo te amo te amo te amo te amo.

Comment by divya

“show day” was no typo, right?

Comment by em

ooh, em, thanks for catching that! hahaha. it was an error, indeed. i was probably thinking about “lost” while i wrote that, cause i spent 3 hours watching part of season 1 before i realized i was upset and needed a snow day.

Comment by leindiemeister

snowfall is the best show after all

Comment by em

I think Emerson definately has to do with outer appearences in this day. Just think, all these barbies we’re surrounded by, wear their heart on their sleeve. As do you and I.
You are needy. Am I as well. Rhetorical. I would give you human contact, but you become the shrew. Just kidding. I would offer the hugs, but it is such a long trek that morns, I often feel winded. i lie. Anyways, no more run ins with the lord de shiny.

Comment by lavenderparadox

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