INDIEchouette


I WILL NEVER LIVE LIKE YOU
6 November, 2006, 500 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

What to write of Homecoming?  We dined at Arby’s (quite the fine dining experience) after realizing that Chili’s would be an hour-long wait.  We are impatient.  We walked around and occasionally collided.  Numerous boys stepped on my bare feet/heels.  It was alright until the last time, when I started cursing because he weighed far more than I did.  I wouldn’t say that Homecoming was fun, per se, because to me, fun would be dancing the whole time, talking to lots of different people about happy things, giving and receiving millions of compliments, and romantic slow dances.  It wasn’t horrible because nobody dumped me (then again, there would be nobody to dump me in the first place), and nobody died.  It was a lot of walking around looking for people, dancing for thirty seconds with freshman girls, and being awkward.  A lot of water fountains.  Tons of hip-hop and rap.  I had made a point to request good music, but I forgot.  Next year, maybe.  They probably wouldn’t play it, though, unless we got tons of people to request it.  That’s a goal.

Going stag has a lot less pressure to it.  Don’t get me wrong–Derek was a good friend-date and he didn’t do anything wrong.  His suit was spiffy.  But if I go with girls, I tend to dance a lot more and with less inhibition, which is natural, and when I go with a romantic interest, I also dance more, and get slow dances, too.  I’m not, by the way, too into grinding, but more dancing like a dork/as though driving a Barbie Jeep like “Avril Lavigne’s ghetto little brother.”  I stole that move from him, actually, after Connor told me all about it.

I also felt the gravitational pull (more like a push) away from certain extremely close friends and oddly towards one friend unexpectedly.  This happened last year throughout the year, but I didn’t ever expect it to happen with certain pals.  I suppose I’m a floater because clingy people annoy me, and I hate to be one.  I just didn’t realize it until now.  And I am my own entity now, becoming more distant by the minute, until eventually my drifting boat hits land again and then I’ll only linger near it for a while until the current pulls me away again.

I don’t want to drift away from them; they’re the most similar people to me I’ve ever met, and I’ve never quite fit in with any other group like I do with them.  Just, with certain people pushing and pulling at my position, I’m sort of involuntarily shifting out of the way to make room.  They didn’t want me to move either, but the way I see it, if the limit is 90 (on a Sims 2 scale), and I can never get to 100 no matter how hard I try, then why bother?

I’m making a mess considering quitting band.  If I quit now, I’ve got college rejections coming up, but they don’t know the situation.  And as I’ve said a million times before, I already know what I’m going to do with my life, and that’s write.  Band is just a side dish (and a far less important one than French).  And I don’t think it’s right to prioritize a side dish over the people I’m eating with.

Oh, but band has gained me more junior friends than I would have if I wasn’t in band.  Which would be zero.  Extracurricular activities are for the unstable.

Maybe I could just do marching band and winter “ensemble.”  I’d actually rather do that than concert band, for real.

I’m so tired today.  I feel like I’ve been pilfered of emotion and my music taste and my personality.  So I’m left as a lazy lump of human mass.  I played Roller Coaster Tycoon today a lot and I need to do homework.  I want two things:  love and to go to Scene Pump  as though it was a Saturday on Tuesday instead of staying at home like I normally do on days off.

Today was the opposite of cool.

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1 Comment so far
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Paige you looked amazing at HC. Our triad was in three different corners, metaphorically. I realize what you mean. However, I have to disagree a teeny bit about the shifting. The certain person whose name sounds like “Blow” would have to do a lot more than bribing and providing car rides to replace you. We’ve established an unspoken agreement with her that you’re above her on the priority list. Speaking of which, we should definitely do something Tuesday, even if it is Gheyball. Those pointless days are always the most memorable to me. Kenny.

Comment by Edawg




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