9 October, 2006, 1206 pm
Filed under: Music, School

Do you ever have those days where you eat a lot of unhealthy stuff while you’re hanging out with your friends, and you feel fat in comparison, or like you’re getting fat, and then, just for motivational purposes, you step onto the scale the next morning and you weigh two pounds less than you do on a regular basis, like during school, and then you blow that all by sitting on your couch all day eating salt & vinegar chips and looking at your side view in the mirror, and only the scale the next day will tell you if you suck?  Yeah.  Well.  That was self-explanatory.

I'm probably slowly killing myself.

At my lowest since I lost weight, I was 103.  At my highest since then, I was 123.  My weight fluctuates too much.

She's the epitome of weight fluctuation, though...

I keep talking to a friend in the halls who is now a better friend than I ever expected him to be.  Well, I somehow stumbled upon one of his friends, and took a liking to him, and now my good friend is discouraging me for some reason.  “He’s really gay, Paige.  [Insert Extracurricular Activity Group Here] kids are always gay.  I can’t stand him.”

Gay Drama.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I think discouraging is a bittersweet thing.  People like Connor always (to my knowledge) tell the universal truth, whether that be estacy-inducing encouragement or destructive discouragement.  Some of my girl pals tell me the insightful truth, where they could see things working out despite the universal truths, because everything is spontaneous.  Some guy might go for blondes, but there might be someone, just one person, who could change that.  But at the same time, they’ll tell me their opinion if they disapprove.  And some people blatantly lie, whether it be because they pity me but they’d like to see something happen, or because they have selfish motives, like they don’t want to see me happy, or because they don’t want to see someone else involved happy.  Or because they don’t care.  Any way you put it, if I am discouraged, I’ll be inspired to prove everyone wrong, but most of the time, I’ll take the advice that is granted to me and not try, mainly because I, like everyone else, have insecurities as to what other people think about me.


On that same note, the people who claim they don’t judge and you know…”Don’t judge me!”–they’re motherfucking robots.  I read somewhere, in some book, or maybe on a website, that we all go easy on ourselves; why should we expect everyone else to go easy on us too?  If everyone else went easy on us, that would make life no fun.  So why not judge people?  You can’t only have friends; you have to have your enemies, too, or else there’s really no reason to have alliances.  What are you allied against?  I learned all of this from the Alex Hill debates.  They were fun, and they earned me some diehard enemies.  It’s fun to argue.  I love to love, but I also love to argue, and to open people’s eyes.  I just deny it a lot.  It’s invigorating.  Although it won’t be worth it, someday, I will own Sarah Yi for ditching the triad in the manner she did; she used our shoulders to climb up the social ladder.  Maybe when she falls off of it, I’ll jump off and crush her sumo-style, and then climb up again.  I dunno.  I’ll decide soon, because I’m still bitter.  In the hallways, whenever I see her, I scrunch up my nose as if something crawled up it and died.  Still.  I care about what people think of me.  I’m paraniod.  You really can’t exist without the approval of at least one other human.  Otherwise, life sucks.  No friends.  Aah.

Remember what I said about people who don't judge.

Does this kid look familiar?  The one in the puke-coloured shirt?

It's Boy Meets World.

Take a gander.  Think about it.  Who is he?  Have you seen him before?  Who is he?

OH, by the way, that’s Blake Sennett–also a child star, who was involved with some chick named Morgan from Whispertown 2000 and with Jenny Lewis.  As in, relationship.  WOW.  I love them.  Actually, Jenny and Morgan are friends.  Cool.  For those of you who don’t know, Blake Sennett is essentially the frontman of Rilo Kiley, whereas Jenny is the frontwoman and the dominator.  Blake sings some of the songs, and he plays guitar, but he’s amazing as the frontman of The Elected.  A bonus:  He’s cute.  A drawback:  He’s engaged.

Did I mention that I'm in love with him?

Here are some of my personal favourite Blake Sennett MP3s.  It was HARD choosing just three.  I should have chosen five (mostly of The Elected), but I decided you should buy some CDs.

Rilo Kiley | Three Hopeful Thoughts
The Elected | British Columbia
The Elected | Greetings In Braille

Anyways, I just got exciting news that Alex Hill is alive.  THERE IS A SPECK OF HOPE IN THIS WORLD.  ‘Cause he sort of disappeared from the face of the earth in June.  I thought maybe he was a fictional character or that I had Multiple Personality Disorder, like in Fight Club, but no…he exists.  Probably.

Also, we’re not putting our house on the market until Janurary, which means it’ll take at least a month to sell.  And possibly another month till we have to move out.  So please, please, I’d prefer to leave here with just having made friends than leaving behind people with regrets/having regrets myself.  I’d like to remember Richmond fondly and have reason to come back and visit with Rachael over the summer.  Yes, I was born in Bethlehem.  Sure, those are my roots.  But I branched off in Richmond, and this is a lot of the reason why I am who I am today.  I had my first best friends here–rather, my first taste of the epitome of the meaning of best friends.  I’d rather not point out who they are, though, because some people who think they’re my best friends really aren’t, whereas some people who might think they’re not are.  I have three real best friends.


I hate, though, having to take on the role of like, the mother’s confidant, or the one who explains everything to my sisters; I’m like the moderator in this whole situation.  Well, not really anymore, but in the beginning, I sort of was.  After Jenny Lewis fell through, though, I’m afraid I have to lean to one side, just because of consistency and reliability; even if she doesn’t always keep up with her promises and she ignores me a lot, I can rely on her for when I want something more than life itself.  I can rely on him for finances and her for the thought.  It’s the thought that counts.


2 Comments so far
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Oh god. Sarah Yi. And you know, I heard about that from Erika last year. What a skank. You see, I hate people like that. And I agree with you about how everyone does judge people regardless. After knowing someone from 3 months, I get all the time that their fist impression of me was some blonde skank whore bimbo. I learn to deal, and yeah I DO care about what people think of me. And everyone else does too. The Myspace About Me’s lie. They lie to everyone.

Comment by laurrasb

I reread the comment, and it sounded like I was calling Erika the skank. Haha but I wasn’t, Sarah Yi is the skank. Even though she isn’t….whatever, I used that word in the whole sense the word “gay” is now used. If that makes any sense. Haha.

Comment by laurrasb

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