15 September, 2006, 1227 am
Filed under: Barrels of Fun, Music, School

Aujourd’hui, j’ai realisé que je ne peux pas parler beaucoup de français, et quand je parle en français, je parle mal.  Et je n’aime pas cette chose parce que j’adore le français.  Ce sont des freshmen qui peuvent parler plus bien que moi.  This whole paragraph was probably horrible broken French, and a native French person would probably get pissed if they read this.  I can form sentences in my head; I can even think in French.  But I’m just going to have to kick ass if I ever want to make something out of French as a career.

Anywho, today, I especially realized my need to get out of the house, my need to meet new people and not be quite so very timid, and my desire to travel the world.  All of this will be good for me.  I’m in my comfort zone, and I want to meet older people before the chance is gone.  I want to trust new people and try new things in general before there’s no one left to trust and no opportunity to try new things.  I don’t want to be that smart person who doesn’t put anything to use; I want to get out there and maybe become a little more cultured.  What’s at the top of my to-do list right now?  Meet cool new people, look alright, get good grades, and learn French rapidly.  Nothing too different from what everyone else wants, although I feel that I have to be an overachiever at all those things, but I feel like I’m drowning in a pond, because everyone else is succeeding at these things, and I’m average in all aspects.  But what’s on my to-do list for the future, when maybe I get out of the pond (hopefully)?

I was looking at the pictures of France that Mrs. Guyer has right below her whiteboard, and I’ve decided I want to see these sites with maybe someone special, who, at this point, could be someone I least expect to tour the world with me.  Or maybe I haven’t met them yet.  But I’ve decided we’ll listen to The Strokes and Elliott Smith and Bright Eyes (especially “A Perfect Sonnet”) and The Unicorns really loud and sing along obnoxiously and maybe off-key, and I’ll lose my inhibitions just for that, and he might have some, but I won’t know about them because we’ll be too comfy with each other.  We’ll see the world through each other’s eyes.  And we’ll love it.  We will have picnics in the middle of nowhere in Europe and North America, and other places, too, and it won’t matter where we are, as long as we have the mix tapes we’ll have made for each other over the past few months or years.  And yes, on our tours, there will be more handsome men than him (whoever he is), and girls I could never even dream of matching lookswise, but we probably won’t glance at them, or if we do, then we’ll sarcastically point out their flaws and laugh like stupid Americans because we adore one another more than all that superficial crap, or else we adore each other for our flaws and for our perfections.  We won’t be sappy, though; if you’re in love, it doesn’t mean sappy.  It just means that you inspire one another, and live for one another.  We’d have our arguments and be immature and politically incorrect, and often not act like a couple, and make fun of each other, but that would be our quirk.  I’d give everything I had and not question anything; I’d have everything to lose at that point.  And he, well, I’d hope he felt the same way, or similarly; I’d at least hope that I wasn’t the one who felt more so that way because it would be awkward loving someone so much when they’d only love you three-quarters as much.

We’ll go to all these places…



South Africa



New York City

Monocacy Creek





I’d like, though, to end up here, on the bench, as though it was the last night of my life.


There’s more than meets the eye.

Um, yeah, but enough of being sentimental, because I should really be doing something else right now, like homework, and apologizing for being an ass.  After all, it is now and not later.  So I can’t really start on my life’s to-do list until I’ve completed the present’s list, now, can I?


2 Comments so far
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awh. that’s cute. i hope you meet this guy someday!

i myself would like someone i can argue with playfully in whatever european language(s) i learn in college (spanish isn’t the coolest thing ever, though i do like it kind of…i’m thinking russian though it’s not really european, greek, italian, french, stuff like that) and still talk to in english. someone i can play duets with and laugh over the stupidest things only violinists/violists/cellists can understand. someone i can stay up on the phone all night with and not feel awkward at all. someone who drags me out before sunrise so we can stargaze. someone who understands me for me and loves me despite all the things i find wrong with myself. someone who i know i love and that it’s not just a crush or something. someone who is good at surpising me. someone who doesn’t ignore me. someone i can’t ignore no matter how hard i try. someone not afraid to make the first move. someone not shy about having to spell it out for me that they like me, because i suck at picking up signals. someone who remembers little details. someone who may have been looking for me all the time i was looking for him in all the wrong guys. and like you said, nothing sappy. hfffff.

Comment by divya

You probably speak it better than anyone in our two classes with the exception of maybe one or two wonderfreshmen. Madame Guyer seems to have a knack for reading people since her husband is an artist, because this morning, she randomly walked up to me and asked me if I was into art, and recommended Monsieur Guyer’s art history class for when I become a senior.

Your ideal touring-the-world man description was amazing and I have no words to add to that. It’s actually realistic, which makes it even more awe-inspiring.

Comment by Edawg

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