INDIEchouette

To be honest is to see both sides of something. To be able to relate to either, but to choose one side. Just one. You can’t be honest and gray. It’s black or white, but you can be honest about not being sure. This sort of honesty, though, is only in being honest to yourself. It’s impossible to be fully honest to other people anymore because they won’t take your word for it. And words can’t speak loud enough anymore, anyways.

I feel sort of guilty for liking Matt Costa. I feel like his sound is something that all those Q94 (holla Richmonders) kids should like, someone all the polo-wearing, ponytailing, light pink-loving chicks should be swooning over. Sort of the way I swoon over Ben Gibbard’s voice (I do, I do) instead of over his sex appeal. But it seems like somehow, even with “Cold December” being up there on my playlist with popular songs like “Neighborhood #1″ and “Take It Easy (Love Nothing),” nobody knows about Matt Costa. I figured, “Well, he’s probably a 30-year old like Daniel Powter, minus the little bit of sex appeal Dan has.” (Originally, I wrote that Daniel Powter was a 40-year-old, but I had to look it up to make sure nobody got mad at me. He’s actually 29 and a half as of Friday.) For me, the only exterior things about an artist that matter are his/her eyes and hair. It’s 1/3 voice, 1/3 lyrics, and 1/3 eyes/hair. I’m one of those junkies who thinks that Ben Gibbard is “cute” because of his eyes. They’re very bright, as in glowing and intelligent. I think Elliott Smith’s scars add to his appeal, and his hair is adorable (not in the Jesus hair phase). He was gorgeous. I didn’t really care about Matt Costa’s eyes or his hair or his age; I just wanted to see what he looked like for the hell of it. I’d read that he was a skater. That actually turned me off a bit, considering that skaters turned singers are normally full of themselves and overly attractive, as in they have no flaws to make them handsome (for me, flaws in appearance are a turn-on; they mean the guy is real). I’ve never really heard of a skater turned singer; I just know that singers with the badass mellow skater attitude normally suck. I didn’t want Matt Costa to be like that.

I expected blond, shaggy hair and huge blue eyes framed in tons of eyelashes, and probably a 6-pack and tan skin. That or a bald, pale head and biceps and a guitar in hand. Two extremes. What I got was Matt Costa.

Matt Costa with gorgeous hair. Lookswise, he’s sort of…reminiscent of the ideal indie guy. I wouldn’t date the ideal indie guy. He’s luscious. But I’d rather be his sidekick or his best friend. His good looks make me a little wary. Am I supposed to like the music of someone so undeniably attractive? But in being honest with myself, I’ve decided that it’s the music that matters, and it’s supposed to be 1/2 voice and 1/2 lyrics. So in being honest with myself, I’ve decided that looks and sex appeal are for pussies and MTV lovers, so I like Matt Costa a lot. It doesn’t matter if he’s got a sound reminiscent of teeny boppers. He’s too good for them.

On a different note, I’ve been lusting after Little Miss Sunshine for a good time now, and wondering why it’s rated R. Turns out, it’s only because of the word “fuck” and because of the grandfather’s heroin addiction. And that’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. No lie. I will see it, though, if it’s the last thing I do.

I officially love Marc Spitz.  End of story.  And I’m not talking about the Olympic swimmer, Mark Spitz.  I’m talking about the amazing author of How Soon Is Never? and Too Much Too Late.  Also co-author of We Got The Neutron Bomb: The Untold Story of L.A. Punk (with Brendan Mullen).  I haven’t read that one yet.  He also writes for Spin magazine.  Just…he reads my mind.  Years in advance.  He knows what I want to read before I’ve even figured it out myself.  Pages in advance.  Mere paragraphs.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if this book mentioned Jenny Lewis or indie rock?” I thought as I threw on my gray Death Cab for Cutie tee shirt.  Pages later, I found this exerpt, no lie…

“Rivers Cuomo of Weezer,” Tracey said out of nowhere.  “Was one of his legs too short or was the other too long?”

“Huh?”  Harry was clearly puzzled.

“Too long,” I answered.  “He had to have it shortened.”

“Ah . . . you’re an optimist.”  Hillary nodded approvingly.

“Why can’t the Postal Service and Death Cab for Cutie tour on opposite coasts at the same time?”

“Can I get another stuffed artichoke?” Ben asked, oblivious to their oddly spontaneous trivia game.

“What television show did Rilo Kiley’s Jenny Lewis have a role on when she was a child star?”

“Hillary, are you giving us, like, a test?”

“No.  I’m just getting to know you.”

“What is the secret ingredient in this salad dressing?” Tracey asked, as if to make light of their poorly received pop pop quiz.

“It’s anise,” Ben growled.

“Fair enough.”  Tracey nodded.  “A gourmand.”

Out manager stroked the edge of the bat grip.

Marc Spitz has it.  Not only does he have it, but he has it.  I want to write like him, with the passion he has and the cleverness and the somewhat unintentional sarcasm.  He writes like he’s talking.  He writes like I talk.  He knows things.  And I’m not sure if he’s insulted or embarrassed that 16-year-olds are such huge fans of his books that were probably intended from reformed New Wavers…I actually don’t want to know.  It would hurt my feelings too much.  Because I actually put Marc Spitz up there with Jenny Lewis and Conor Oberst.  The only difference is that I could become Marc Spitz…or at least something like him.  I know I’ll never be a singer, and my musical skills (come on–oboe) won’t get me anywhere in life, but I can write.  I’m writing now.  And I think that Marc Spitz is probably my first real idol.  I also think it’s especially cool how he does not demean the blogger.  Motorrrju, Natalie Levine…she’s a 16-year-old chick with a powerful blog.  Motorrrju gives me something to stive toward today(although I don’t think I’ll ever want to write using the internet lingo she always does).  Marc Spitz gives me something to strive toward in twenty years.

So I now have about three or four new heroes.  Marc Spitz, Motorrrju aka Natalie Levine, Joe Green, and Harry Vance.  Three of whom are fictional characters.  God, I love reading.  Reading and Jane Asher and The Smiths.

Jane Asher : 1960s :: Jenny Lewis : 2000s.

See what I mean?  The resemblance is uncanny.

This is my life right now: I’m numb, and I did something I probably shouldn’t have because of raw, mortified instinct, but I have nobody to turn to and I love not a soul, not a single adult in the world, because someone turned them all against me so that they are immature, drunk, and unable to handle the situation.  The only compadres I have are my sisters, and of course they see eye to eye with me, and that’s what everyone will say: we’re sisters. But while they even have a little love, I feel just the same as that kid that Blake Sennett croons advice and pity to.  Just the same, only there’s no Blake to turn to.

Pull the ripchord
the ship has lost its sail
your mama’s got a new man
your daddy always fails
and you’re eating again
at them
’cause nobody loves you

and even fancy things
have finally lost their charm
wine and diamond rings
they never get you anymore
you’re sleeping again
alone
’cause nobody loves you.

Ooooh
they should have seen you,
should have known you,
should have known what it was like
to be you

so come on kid
look at what you did
I don’t know if you meant it
but you did yourself in
and I was even having a good day
when I’d found out we lost you.

Oooh
she said it was in the singing and the strumming,
oh man I even saw it coming!

‘Cause he would listen.

This woman right here is amazing.

She is the epitome of original cool and red hair and defying the stereotypes and being soft and sexy but tough and a feminist and standing up for her rights and her being a female without being stupid or slutty.  I love her.

Seriously, who doesn’t love the pink Power Ranger?  Say what you may about whoever, Rachel Bilson, Lauren Conrad, maybe, maybe even Bright Eyes.  Maybe even Conor Oberst, although I would give your ass a good beating for unjustified smacktalk about him.  He’s a boy, though, and he can shrug it off.  Jenny Lewis is different territory.  You do not speak ill of Jenny Lewis around me.  I’ll leave this at “Or else.”

Why, though, would anyone hate her?  I’ve never heard of someone who didn’t like Jenny Lewis.  Everyone admires her tastefully short, retro dresses and the way she pulls off long, feminine, red, curlyish hair with bangs.  Her voice can go to the extremes–from tough single woman feminist to soft sheltered young girl suffering under the weight of love–in a flash.  She is what girls should want to be as well as what guys should want.  Why don’t they; why isn’t Jenny the poster woman for the epitome of the perfect woman?  Obvious.  She’s currently an “underground” indie goddess hit and not enough people have been exposed to her yet.  But I promise her time will come…It’s just the bittersweet matter of wanting to expose the uneducated to something great like Rilo Kiley and at the same time wanting to keep them to ourselves.  Oh, how I hate situations like these.

In the meantime, though, before we decide whether or not to let the n00bs in on our secret, let’s admire her workin’ it as an incredibly successful woman who’s only managed to break through and become more awesome as the years passed.

This morning was different from no other.  I went to sleep around 4 after a bout of ranting on the [adultswim] message boards, and then around 12, my mother came in playfully screaming to wake me up.  Normally, I would be fine with this, but seeing as I went to sleep around sunrise, I was not.  I’m sort of becoming nocturnal, and I need at least 9 hours to function well.  In fact, no more, no less.  I tried to go back to sleep, but seeing as my mom was on the phone with my 10-year-old cousin Shannon, and also seeing as my mom paces the halls and talks very loudly when she’s on the phone, I gave up my attempts to sleep and rolled out of bed, went to the bathroom, and then stumbled back into my room groggily to get on the computer.  This morning, I didn’t feel like MySpacing so soon (because it’s been pretty placid lately) and instead I searched Google for a Quizilla quiz to occupy some time.  I always do that.  You know, “What’s your stereotype?” “Wut typ uv myuziq shud u lisn 2?”  I chose a “What band should you listen to?”  Simple.  Three questions long.  My result was predictable:  I got The Arcade Fire.  No big.  So I figured that this quiz might have good music suggestions for someone who’s always expanding her large library.  Naturally, I checked out all possible results.  And they were, you know, Sufjan, Elliott, Cursive, and a few others I’ve heard of, but the only one I hadn’t heard of was the last one, An Angle.

Now, how An Angle escaped me in my quest for bands like Bright Eyes, I don’t know.  The quiz results said to listen to them because you’ll think you’re listening to Bright Eyes.  So NATCH I made haste and skidaddled over to Amazon, my savior, and did a big old search.  I listened to a sample, and while I was listening to the guitar and waiting for the voice to come in, I thought, “There is no way the vocalist can sound JUST like Conor Oberst.”  And that’s that.  And then the vocals came in–and sure enough, it sounded just like Conor.

My first thought was impression–how?  And they had the whole folk-indie thing down.  How could a Bright Eyes fan not adore An Angle?  I didn’t know.  So I shimmied over to their site and watched a video.  And my amusement only lasted for a few minutes, because that’s when I found out how a Bright Eyes fan could hate or at least dislike An Angle.

Conor Versus Kris::

Conor Oberst is an emaciated, truly unhappy Catholic boy.  You can see it in his photographs, you can hear it in his voice, and you can read it in his interviews.  It’s not fair to say that everything makes him unhappy, or that he’s as unhappy as Elliott Smith and will kill himself.  He drinks, likely to drown his unhappiness, or so he says in his songs, and he refers to the fact that love is hard to come by and that he is allegedly unlucky in love (or that his characters are), but that love is nonetheless real and out there.  And he’s beautiful in his small vocal imperfections.  He can write music and metaphors like no other and most importantly, he knows how to emote.

Kris is a young man with messy dark hair, which looks sort of like what Conor’s would if he grew it out a lot.  He’s handsome with large lips; that’s what I noticed in his music videos.  And he has a very nice, happy smile.  I suppose his look is better marketed (personally, though, I will always think Conor is infinitely enticing).  He’s not emaciated, either; he’s a normal-sized guy with a normal job.  Normalish.  So his voice sounds just like Oberst’s, and that is obviously a rip-off.  On first listen, he sounds exactly like his idol, but if you look into it, he just has a happier voice and you can tell he’s acting out the emotion and that his voice could be pop-star perfect because he doesn’t sound genuinely strained, especially on the high notes.  And he doesn’t take advantage of dynamics as much as Conor does.  He also sings about being drunk a lot.  And drinking.  His lyrics are even rip-offs; he uses some of the very metaphors that Conor created.  This plagarism would be both appalling and appealing if he did it cleanly; however, some of the lyrics are so clearly stolen that they just don’t make sense.  Because his vocal imperfections aren’t genuine, it makes the songs he’s singing a little more unbearable.  Kris is probably some handsome emo kid who likes Bright Eyes and punk pop.

And look at the album covers.

Bright Eyes/Fevers And Mirrors/2000

An Angle/And Take It With A Grain Of Salt/2004

Uncanny resemblance, no?  Of course, their latest CD cover is a little less copycat, but still, take note of the title.  What has Oberst always sung of?  What did I say Anaya has overdone and sings about every song about?  One word: alcohol.

An Angle/We Can Breathe Under Alcohol/2005

Also take this into consideration: On January 25, 2005, Bright Eyes relased two albums, “I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning,” a gorgeous countryish, folk-saturated album featuring the amazing Emmylou Harris, and “Digital Ash In A Digital Urn,” a more pop/electronic-oriented album with a more upliftng sound that’s just as amazing as its fraternal twin, but on a different level.  This would mean nothing if An Angle had released “We Can Breathe Under Alcohol” earlier in 2005, like in January, or even in 2004.  Because “We Can Breathe Under Alcohol” is An Angle’s version of “Digital Ash.”  Yes, if they’d released it before or about the time of “Digital Ash,” I would totally give them props for doing their own thing and hey–GMTA.  Guess what?  May 17, 2005.  Most artists let out teasers and previews about a month or two before they release their new albums.  For Bright Eyes, that would be the end of December or the end of November, perhaps.  Assuming that it was the beginning of December that they let out teasers and such, An Angle had 5 to 6 months before they released their album.  Even so, if they just bought “Digital Ash” the day it came out or whatever, that would still give them 4 whole months.  I can write a poem a day.  In fact, anyone could, and for An Angle, it was made easy, considering their songs are just Bright Eyes metaphors strung into an album.  I’m not trying to be overly harsh.  I like An Angle’s sound despite lack of honesty and sincerity and their poseurness (even their video for “White Horse” was just a slightly altered take on “The First Day of My Life,” for Allah’s sake, and “Green Water” resembled a happier “Bowl of Oranges” video).  But for a band not even to admit at all that they have been influenced by Bright Eyes is aggravating, especially considering that they’re not genius and lack songwriting skills.  Kris Anaya is doing the opposite of what Jason Mraz did for Bright Eyes.  He’s trying to understand lyrics and songs that are too deep, and he’s pulling the wrong details out, like the alcohol and the pop culture slanderings.  So listen to Bright Eyes, not An Angle.  Please.  Even though Kris Anaya is handsome.  Conor is genuine, genius, and handsome.  And listen to Jason Mraz, too, for the hell of it.

I wonder what Bright Eyes thinks of An Angle?

Seriously.  I’m turning 16 in a matter of weeks (about 3), my poseurPod aka zMate aka iPod Scribble (I drew on it with Sharpie) broke recently (I don’t know what the hell is wrong with it), and I thrive on music at all times.  Sure I have a computer and a CD player.  But to lug that bulky CD player with me EVERYWHERE and about a hundred CDs?  I don’t think so!  So the first thing on my “list” is a Nano.  I know I won’t get a Nano, so I suppose I’ll make a picture blog of all the things on the alternate birthday list I’ve made for my ‘rents.

From Charlotte Russe, in order of favourite to least:

 From Urban OUtfitters, ditto:

From Delia*s, which is seriously my favourite store ever:

From Hot Topic:

Those are all the clothes I’d like, and I know I’ll probably only get 4 or or 5 of the things I ask for, but that’s why I made the list to long.  And I must have The Smiths shirt!  I mean, sure there are other clothes, and all that’s here is clothes.  But I can download all my music from Limewire (legal or illegal? I’m not sure), and I don’t often want other things, except like candy and friends.  Haha.  I say friends like I’m needy and I have none.  I mean I want to see and chill with my pals.  Mostly, I’m not needy; I like things but I don’t ever ask for them.  OH.  Currently, I’m sort of lusting after this, though:

Yes, I’m a Sims addict.  Oh, and I wouldn’t mind a little more space on my computer.  It only has 4 gb.  That’s like…the size of an iPod nano.  I’m not exaggerating either; it can barely hold The Sims 2 (and 900 songs…tehe) without exploding, whereas normal computers have no problem with that sort of thing, not really.  They shouldn’t, anyways.

I’ll leave you on a random note.  o_O

I am very sentimental right now. I’m in a ponderrific mood. I know that downloading music is illegal; Limewire is scary, but I’ve downloaded probably close to 500 or 600 songs from it (maybe even 700ish) and nothing has happened to me yet. So. There.

The sentimental mood hit me around maybe 9. I hate talking about my period. When I’m on it, I’m grumpy for absolutely no reason. Right when I fall off it, I just get hit with a wave of normal moods. My mood swings are horrible.

Well, I hate spiders. There was an unnoticed spider crawling toward me on the desk. And I crushed it. And then I thought of the chickens that are killed by KFC. I just did what those KFC workers do. So I made the sign of the cross and I prayed for that damn spider. I almost cried. I could have saved it. I decided to kill it instead. I’m horrible.

So then I started downloading music. And I almost always hate cover songs. Rilo Kiley does good covers, as does anyone who covers The Postal Service or any covers The Postal Service or Death Cab does. And when Bright Eyes does covers, they’re good. Well, on Limewire, I came across a Jason Mraz cover of Bright Eyes’ song, “Kathy With A K’s Song.” And I was a little wary because, you know…Jason Mraz…but I got it anyways. And at first, it was weird listening to this pop singer singing my song, and it seemed to make so much less sense when he sang it. “Love is real?” Does he even know what that means? Conor Oberst knows what that means; he can sing it forcefully like it’s an official scientific formula. Jason Mraz just makes it sound like nonsense; it’s almost like he’s trying to point out the flaws in Conor’s secret theories. Conor is almost like a little kid; they seem so cute and intelligent when they say something that is perhaps an unsaid obvious. They bring out the best in us. And Jason Mraz is like a teenager trying to copy that innocence. And it doesn’t work at first. You expect Conor’s voice and you get Jason’s. Conor’s which is riddled with cracks and wavers but is perfect because of the reality of it, and Jason’s which is so jazz-perfect, it’s almost unreal. And his voice sort of cracks at a point and you think, “Wait! Why didn’t they edit that out?! Pop stars aren’t allowed to make mistakes.”

But once you get into the song; once you get over it and forget that Jason Mraz is singing and you know that he can have flaws, then it starts to sink in. I don’t know how to say this without sounding like Conor Oberst is inferior. So I’ll just say it. It’s really an honor and a compliment to Conor and emo and indie kids in general for Jason to be singing this song. Because really, he could have covered anyone’s song, and he chose Conor’s. He’s trying to convey Conor’s message to everyone who might not reach out and find it on their own, maybe because they’ve heard bad things about Bright Eyes, or else maybe becayse they’ve never even heard of Bright Eyes (sheltered souls). He’s one of the links in expanding people’s musical horizons. And that’s a good thing. Really, the whole compliment of Jason Mraz trying to explain Bright Eyes for everyone is powerful and extremely compassionate. And maybe you (if you listen to them avidly) feel like our secret’s revealed to the world, but no, it’s not. Just one song. Jason Mraz fans mostly won’t convert. It’s just one song, and it’s special. Hits the heart.

I think that music is having an impact on my life. Before, I just thought it was the things I did and the people I met, which, yes, they all have made a permanent imprint. But life’s nothing without a solid soundtrack. And some may argue that some or all of my songs are just uncool and soft, but they’re all here for a reason.

I have this weird feeling in my fingers like I’m writing in a shallow pond, and I can’t explain deep enough. It almost feels like I’m writing in circles. Strange.

For Your Listening Pleasure/What I’m Listening To: Fix You/Coldplay (This song often makes me bawl, possibly because of its use in the 9.11 movie, possibly because of the lyrics and the atmospheric, just plain pure sound.)

EDIT::
I uploaded Jason Mraz’s “Love is Real” for all those out of the know.  It’s right here at the bottom of the blog.  Have fun with it.